Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

So I realize that I haven’t always let the best people into my life.  I’ve talked about this with a few friends recently and with my sister.  I’ve actually renewed a few friendships that had been DOA for awhile. (Thanks God for re-uniting because these folks rock my socks).

I’m really (finally) getting exactly HOW important (!) it is to only let amazing people in my life and to foster those relationships.  I think in the past I’ve definitely started friendships, and even some relationships, with people who I knew from the get-go were superficial, self-absorbed or overly critical or judgmental (which inevitably brings out those qualities more in myself and/or leaves me hurt or disappointed).  There’s always been a part of me that thought, ‘the more the merrier’.  Why not befriend these people?  I now get the why.  Because they bring me down.

In a spiritual sense, they are operating at a lower vibration than I am.  I think Yossi put it well when he said that your vibration averages out.  So if someone is a lower vibration than you, you will bring them up some and they will bring you down some to meet in the middle.  Talk about psychic vampires.  And yes, I know I now have to explain what I mean by that.  James Van Praagh is a medium who wrote the book “Ghosts Among Us”.  It’s a fascinating book about ghosts that exist among us in the human realm as well as in other dimensions.  In it he says the following:

“If there are energy healers, it stands to reason that there are also energy drainers.  Energy suckers are everywhere, and I am not just talking about ghosts.  Is there someone in your life who is constantly depressed, angry about the world, jealous, always in a bad mood, pessimistic, doubtful, power-hungry, mistrustful or manipulating?  I refer to these individuals as ‘psychic vampires’ because they unconsciously drain your life force with their unrelentingly negative attitudes.  Most of them are not even aware that their energy extends beyond them and hurts others along their path.  They can leave you exhausted, depressed, and debilitated.  Psychic vampires usually are self-involved individuals who feel self-important.  Their bad attitudes actually slow down their vibratory rates and attract unevolved ghostly energies.”

In the past, especially as a child and teenager, something frequently attracted me to these people who seemed to constantly have an air of self-importance.  I wanted them to like me.  Perhaps I felt it would mean I was important too. Or maybe I just wanted to have that same sense of what appeared to me to be confidence.  Something I considered myself to lack. Though their confidence likely stemmed more from putting others down than from belief in themselves and their inherent wholeness.  Anyway, this inevitably never ended well and those relationships wouldn’t last. As a child I always just wanted to be loved and to love others and it pained me to try to fit in with people who could often be so cruel. I would try to make myself smaller to fit in with their idea of how people should be and then proceed to feel rejected or like there was something wrong with me when it didn’t work out. It was like trying to take on a persona that was certainly not my own and never felt right.  I really think you could physically see and sense my discomfort.  Over the years this turned into a solid shield around my heart that has taken a long time to melt away (and is still in process).

I can see now that I was just looking to find validation outside of me for what I couldn’t see or own in myself – that I am complete, whole and perfect as I am.  I know that part of owning this involves surrounding myself only with people who will relate to me this way – people who I can gain strength and inspiration from and for whom I can reciprocate this act of generosity.

So I’m making a new commitment to only build and maintain relationships with wonderful people from now on and am looking forward to the difference that will undoubtedly make in my life.

Simple, yet profound.

I only (finally) read this wonderful little book Don Miguel Ruiz a couple months ago and I really loved it.

Essentially the four agreements described in the book are:

1. Be impeccable with your word.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

4. Always do you best.

I have these posted in my apartment which is what made me think of it to share.

Factoring in that I’m not a Buddhist monk I certainly haven’t mastered these nor am I fluent in living them.  But when I am present to them, I find they make a significant impact.  They may seem overly simple, even obvious, yet at the same time they seem to be some of the most difficult concepts to follow.

What if you always did what you said you were going to do?  Or if you never said something you didn’t mean.  What if you understood and believed that anything anyone else says or does is not about YOU and doesn’t mean anything about you – it’s completely about them and their life.  What if you never assumed what someone or something meant and actually communicated effectively, getting 100% clear on the meaning before drawing any conclusions?  What if you always did your best – even if it didn’t always lead to the results you intended?

How would your life be different?

I really believe that if we just followed these four simple concepts, our lives would all transform.  Giving us everything we’ve ever imagined we could have wanted and more.

Try that on for size.

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On a complete side note: Someone told me yesterday that I’m really motivated as a response to reading my blog.  I find this really amusing because sometimes it feels like I’m anything but motivated.  Yet, I realize two things.  1. That from the outside looking in, I probably do look pretty motivated.  2. I definitely don’t acknowledge myself enough for all that I DO do. (Welcome back Taskmaster Jaclyn).  I think that’s probably a big ‘missing’ for me.  I set up great structures in some parts of my life and only minimally acknowledge myself for them and then get lazy about the other areas. There’s probably a connection between my lack of acknowledgment and my lack of creating new things. Ironically, I talk to my clients about rewarding themselves for their triumphs, however small they might be, yet seem to be spotty about giving myself this same treatment.  Sounds like there’s something new to take on…

PS. If you were hoping to hear about my karmic healing, I will be sharing about it another day when I have more time to articulate it.  I originally wrote today’s post yesterday. 

..is to travel.  I don’t really know for how long.  Perhaps for a year or so, perhaps longer?  But I know I want to travel and to write.  At the same time I want to be in an amazing relationship, have some coaching clients as well as passive income and be lit up by what I do.  That’s what I really want.

After a call with my coach today, I realize that up until now this has really only existed for me as a wish or a fantasy.  Something that I so deeply wanted but to me seemed outrageous, frightening, and perhaps a little unrealistic.  The biggest reason is probably that this would cost a lot of money.  Also, I’m not totally confident in my writing skills or if anyone will want to read what I have to say, it certainly seems like it would be harder to meet someone while traveling and I don’t know if people will understand or support my decision to do this.

Yet, the heart wants what the heart wants.  And it would make me happy.  Really, blissfully happy.

It’s not that I haven’t said this before, it’s that I never committed to it before and believed it could happen the way I want.

So the first step is declaring it as something that will be… scary as that might feel.  I don’t have the how figured out.  But that’s how it usually goes in coaching.  Declare now, figure out how to make happen along the way.

So universe, there you go…. do your thing.

We talked about rackets more tonight. Rackets are essentially a complaint you have which come ball & chain with an automatic way of being around it, payoffs for what you get out of maintaining this racket (essentially ways to avoid responsibility) and what it’s costing you to keep this up (your aliveness).

So here’s one of mine that I distinguished tonight.

My racket is “I don’t feel like it” aka “I don’t want to”. (Sound familiar? Wouldn’t surprise me.)

The impact of this is that I don’t do the things I say I will or want to do (or even better, I’m sneaky and don’t declare them at all so that I don’t have to be held accountable to them) and then don’t get the results I want. So, yea, that pretty much sucks.

Who I get to be about this complaint is irritable, bored, annoyed and/or frustrated (to name a few off the top of my head).

I guess the payoff for this is predominantly that I get to avoid domination (of being busy, of change, of having too much responsibility, it seems of doing anything really, huh?).

This is costing me my vitality, self-expression, accomplishment, and joy!! If I had to pick just one thing I’d say it’s costing me satisfaction.

So.. yea, duh, huge cost! I mean, I don’t know about you but all those things are pretty important to me. As juicy as the payoff is of avoiding domination, and oh it is most definitely juicy, it’s certainly not as great as my personal satisfaction with life!

SO, I’m creating the possibility of being UNREASONABLE!

(Before you think I’m crazy, see my post ‘Time for the gym?” http://wp.me/pLnuP-f for what I mean by unreasonable.

Great line from tonight: “A life of possibility and a reasonable life simply do not fit in the same space.”

It’s REALLY time for me to stop living a reasonable life and actually get my butt in gear.