Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

The soul doesn’t talk in language, it talks in feeling; in intuition, pulling or knowing towards something.

How often are we in conflict about things because what our head says isn’t what our heart wants?  The answers to your purpose and the path you’re meant to take in this life don’t reside in fear, judgment, or self-loathing.  They lie in going within, to that deep part within you that knows your higher truth and the vast array of abundance that is completely available to you.

Not everyone is willing to take this path though.  Lets be honest, it’s not the ‘easy’ path to take.  It’s so much easier to remain stagnant and stew in the comfort of our incompletions and dissatisfaction than it is to actually break free of those patterns and be responsible for how our life occurs for us.

Personally I stewed for SO long.  For most of my life in fact.  It’s definitely coaching, transformational and spiritual work that has pulled me out of my shitty little box of what was possible for me.  Actually, I always saw the bigger picture and the the possibility of life, I think I just didn’t really believe true happiness and fulfillment was possible for me in my heart.  I knew it was possible for everyone else but some core part of me didn’t believe that I deserved it too.

It’s mind-boggling for me to realize how far I’ve come from that place.  I may have understood intellectually before but didn’t truly get in my heart that love truly is all around you and within.  You don’t need something outside of yourself to tell you you’re worthwhile and lovable.  You, without even trying, just are.  Just like I am.  There are treasures and wisdom and riches within.  Yet I kept looking for things outside of me to justify my worth.  (Look for yourself here too – where are you doing that?)  The ironic thing is that if you know me, you’ve probably always known that I’m valuable and lovable, while not truly believing it about yourself.  Or at least having some form of ‘I’m not good enough’ persistently hanging out in your head.

Funny how we all think we’re so different, but we’re actually not.  We all have fears and insecurities.  We all go through breakdowns and think that ours are so unique… and no one has it as bad as we do… and it’s not fair… and why can’t we just be like everyone else who has it together?!

The big joke is that no one has it all together.  We’re all working out or own stuff and in the process of generating our lives.  We may be at different stages in the process or dealing with different kinds of problems.  (Case and point, Mother Theresa had way bigger problems than I do and was certainly more evolved on her journey of compassion, tender-heartedness and contribution – but I’d put money on that she still dealt with her own fears and ‘problems’ just like everyone else has to. Same with the Ghandi, the Dalai Lama, etc.   We’re human.)

All I’m saying is that when you see, own, and access all the love around and within you, you stop searching for it externally and start owning that you are responsible for and fully capable of creating the life you want.  Rev. Gold said “Once you’ve connected to the inner kingdom, the place from which stuff comes, you now have access to it.  You no longer have to worry about what channel to get it from next.”

So what I’ve taken is is to stop worrying – it’s ALL within.  And wow, are things just happening in my life.  I invite you to do it with me.

I feel like many (most?) people don’t.  In fact, many people seem to actually hate themselves.  Which sounds really sad (and it is) but seems so frequently to be true.

I used to be one of those people. Who didn’t love myself and didn’t think I was lovable.  Now, until getting involved with transformational work, I didn’t actually realize I felt this way.  It was a core belief I had hidden away far below the surface, where I didn’t have to see it or do anything about it. I might have even denied it if I’d been asked and I certainly did my best to overcompensate for the belief by being confident and outgoing.

In fact, there are plenty (perhaps even the majority) of people who even when they do face the fact that they believe this (or something like it, ie: worthless, useless, etc), don’t want to do anything about it because they’re so terrified of change and the unknown that they’d rather have things stay the same, safe and comfortable albeit resigned and unsatisfying.

From that place, you’re always living a life of not being enough.  So naturally, nothing ever will be enough.  From there, you can only see what’s lacking and trying to fix what’s wrong.

When in reality, there’s nothing wrong with you at all and certainly nothing to fix.  You are complete and whole just as you are.  There may be some stuff (mainly beliefs) in the way of you living the life you want to live.  But it’s transforming those beliefs and your relationship to yourself, not ‘fixing’ them, that makes the difference.

This has been a long journey for me to come to this place where I DO love myself and am happy with who I am.  I may not have it all figured out yet, and there are of course still fears that come up within me, but inherently I believe that I am a loving contribution to the world and the world is lucky to have me.

A delightful result of this is that I’m actually being a very different person and attracting wonderful things into my life like new men, friends, clients, and venues that support my continual growth and contribute to me living a phenomenal life of my choosing.

A friend asked me how I possibly had so many men asking me out and said I needed to give lessons.  I told her she needs to learn to love herself first and the rest will follow.  I really believe that it’s only because I’ve finally accepted myself with compassion and love that I’m attracting so many great things into my life.  I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage that says, ‘you can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself’.  Well I believe that’s true, and additionally that it will be much more difficult for someone else to love you if you can’t love yourself.  How can someone else possibly give you what you deny giving yourself?

So answer for yourself honestly, how much do you really love you?  Could it be more?  What could you take on to increase your experience of self-love?  Because whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I bet everyone could use more love in their lives – and it truly does start with you.  Feel free to share below. <3

Awhile back, my sister posted this amazing picture on Facebook of the two of us as children.  I exclaimed to one of my cousin’s how I wish I had pictures like that yet didn’t have a single one. Being the youngest of three (6 years younger than my sister and 10 younger than my brother), my parents had fizzled in their obsessive picture taking (and more importantly saving) habit by the time I was born. (Something I’ve vocally chastised them for in subsequent years).  My cousin said she was sure she had some and would dig them up.  I never pursued this though. Months later I received a birthday card from that same cousin with a surprise in it.  It was a piece of paper folded up that turned out to be a collage of pictures from when we were all little! Such an amazing and thoughtful gift.

Recently, my other cousin (the first one’s sister) was over my apartment for the first time and saw the collage.  She pointed to one of the pictures within it where I was maybe about 5 or 6 or so (?) with a huge smile on my face and my arms thrown around my first cousin’s neck.  She exclaimed, “THAT’s exactly how I remember you!”

The significance for me in this was realizing just how far I’d strayed from that little girl who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved.  I was gifted at over-the-top, whole-hearted, give everything love. I think many people just couldn’t be with this much love and couldn’t handle it. Consequently, I was frequently devastated and heart-broken by it not being consistently received or reciprocated.  They would tell me things like I was too much and needed to calm down or ‘OK, that’s enough!’.  What I made that mean was that there was too much life in me and I needed to make myself smaller to make others comfortable.

As a repercussion for the pain and disappointment I felt emotionally, I made a decision at some point when I was young to instead withhold my love. Replacing it with judgment and cynicism veiled by a mask of friendliness and optimism. I withheld my love in order to avoid disappointment and heartbreak, essentially to protect myself from that terrible feeling. Inevitably this made it very difficult for me to accept it as well. I proceeded to do this for most of my life. In fact it’s really only over the past six months that I’ve had a significant breakthrough in being, sharing, and allowing love.

About six months ago one of the head leaders of the coach training program I help lead, Accomplishment Coaching, reflected to me that her experience of ‘Jaclyn on automatic’ was of no intimacy.  This made a huge impression on me.  Six months later, that same leader’s acknowledgment to me was to thank me for being ‘almost embarrassingly intimate’ and a ‘fierce stand for love’.  When I mentioned the reflection she’d given me six months earlier, she said she’d honestly completely forgotten it because that person no longer existed and it was so far from her current experience of me.

THIS is why I do this work.

Ultimately, I now genuinely understand that as a child my capacity for love was just enormous. This is and was my GIFT. It wasn’t those people’s fault that I didn’t feel it was received or returned from them and they weren’t hurting me on purpose.  They didn’t do anything wrong and they loved me to THEIR best or full capacity, whatever that was at the time. But of course I was only a child (and human) and didn’t understand this.  In fact I don’t believe many adults truly understand this.

It’s only because of this journey, becoming a life coach and being committed to this work and sharing it with the world through Accomplishment Coaching and Landmark and this blog and actually taking what I learn into my life and integrating it through action that I’m able to open my heart again and truly experience loving the people in my life fully.

And God, am I so incredibly grateful.