False Beliefs
I saw this weekend that I have a lot of charge/energy around the concept of being a “shitty coach” and “not being as good as others”. If something triggers me to feel like either of those, I immediately shut down and start beating myself up for it. It goes back to a very young conversation that I’m just not good enough and don’t fit in.
I realized it’s not that any of that is at all true, or that anyone else believes that it’s true, but rather that I spend so much time trying to be NOT that, that I can’t actually get outside of it. There’s some part of me deep down that must believe it could be true because there’s significant fear of being just that.
What I saw, with the help of a couple friends/colleagues, is that if I create it as a neutral place, I can then build, grow and learn from there. For example, “Ok, so I’m a shitty coach. Now what?” or “Ok, others are better than me. Now what?”. At first I couldn’t even be with that concept. But the reason I couldn’t be with it is because I think I shouldn’t be a shitty coach or inferior, and I am masterful at beating myself up about things I think ‘shouldn’t be’.
However, I realized that if I stopped beating myself up all the time, I would have infinite more space to be with people and to make a difference with my clients. To really open my heart to others and allow it all.
What do you see for yourselves?
What are some hot buttons that trigger you to get angry or upset with yourself, that you just have a really hard time being with?
Often it’s the things that are the most charged for us that cause us to do everything in our power to not be that thing we fear. Yet then we’re imprisoned by the belief that at our core we are in fact that thing.
It’s often easier to see in other people. You almost inevitably know lots of people who beat themselves up for everything and anything possible. They believe they’re not a good enough leader, they’re not attractive enough, cool enough, smart enough, strong enough, funny enough, etc. So they do everything they can to compensate for what they imagined is wrong with them rather than be with that fear and create an opportunity to grow.
Well, you too.
What consequences do you see of living your life based on some kind of imaginary fear?
From there, what new way of being would you like to create instead? Because that is what’s possible from taking ownership of your interpretations and actions. That is where you can make a difference.