Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

So I’ve realized (with the help of some coaching) that I’ve got a serious layer of protection called “I don’t care/it doesn’t really matter/whatever”.  I use this to numb out to the consequences of not taking the actions I say I’m going to take or to not have to really be committed (with both feet in) to what I claim I’m committed to.

What this covers up is that I really deeply DO care (if I didn’t, I would have stopped talking about it ages ago).  AND I’m convinced that I’ll be devastated and get my heart broken because it inevitably won’t work out.  The ‘it’ could be anywhere from making a difference with people and getting people to stand for world peace to building my coaching practice to creating the relationships I want in all capacities such as romantic, friendships and with family.

The ironic thing is that the impact of this on me is that I end up feeling frustrated irritated, and really disappointed in both myself and others.  There’s also impacts on specific areas of my life like friendships, romantic life, my coaching practice, my family, etc.  And with me being that way I imagine it leaves others feeling left in the dark, disconnected, hurt and confused or even oblivious.

This isn’t how I want to live my life.  And I’m really well practiced at it.

So what I’m up to is thawing this ice that is covering the oasis below.  What I’m committed to is being a contribution everywhere.

Being a contribution doesn’t have to take a lot of effort and isn’t thwarted by not wanting to or feeling like it because it’s a way of being.  And it’s a choice to create or generate that way of being moment-by-moment.

What’s an act or shtick you can see you’re putting on in your own life?  What’s the thing you do to avoid getting hurt? What is that a facade for or what are you hiding from people (and maybe even yourself) that it covers up?  What’s the impact of that on yourself and others?  Actually let yourself really get present to and experience the impact.  Then decide if that’s what you’re committed to or if you want to create something else.

Every moment of every day you have to opportunity to create something different for yourself.  Is today going to be just one more iteration of how it always goes or will you have today be the day that you bring it to a full stop and create something else?  Invent a new perspective on life. Take a new action in line with it.  Tell people you’re giving up the crappy way you were being before and tell them what you’re creating instead.

Watch your life transform.

True.

But it’s also incredibly rewarding.

When you’re part of a team, everyone still has their own stuff going on and lets be honest, most people avoid responsibility like the plague.

Therefore, taking on a leadership position of any sort requires you to really step up and enroll your team in creating something amazing together (whether it’s something that seems large or small).  That’s the magic fairy dust.  What I’ve learned is that a truly great leader does not do everything by themselves!  They create structure, support and enrollment from their team (or the people in their lives) in order to achieve the best results they possibly can.

This opportunity is frequently thrust upon me as a mentor coach in the Accomplishment Coaching coach training program.

When I first took on this position I would consistently hold back from making requests for support. I was incredibly confronted by the idea of relying on others to support me, assuming that I either wouldn’t receive it or that it was my responsibility alone to complete whatever task I took on.

Over six months later, although I’m still constantly learning, I’m actually finding myself making requests easily and being a leader within my team.  Trying out new ways to communicate effectively and achieve common goals by taking action and creating results together.  Trust me, this isn’t always easy.  My automatic response is generally to ask everyone to pitch in a few times, after minimal response give up and just take things on all by myself, handle them, and then be resentful of the fact that no one helped me.  (Talk about being victimized by my team and my assignment).

NOW, I’m finding myself instead choosing to create breakthroughs for myself in leadership and in partnership.  Getting more intentional and creative with structures sufficient to everyone’s resistance.

For example, after various (and mostly fruitless) attempts at getting folks to do some reconnaissance phone calls to identify something we’re looking for for a future weekend, I was close to giving up and doing it all myself (can you hear the small violin playing in the background?). I’d also like to be clear here that I’m not blaming them.  I can take responsibility for that I wasn’t being an effective leader – they didn’t do anything outside of what would be expected of any human beings asked to take on yet another task among the many they already have.

Just short of taking it on myself I stopped myself, realizing that this was not the point of me taking on this task.  The point was to produce the result AND enroll and inspire my team to work together.  After all, I took on this position in order to develop my leadership, not to simply manage whatever was thrown my way.  So, I came up with the idea to have a power hour (pretty much what it sounds like) to make all the phone calls we needed to to spec out some information for a future weekend.  I got everyone aligned with either the same hour or a time they could do it on their own (and be held accountable to me), and poof!, like magic, all the calls were made within the same week and the task is on track to being complete!

I seriously couldn’t be prouder of myself for sticking it out and producing the result with them instead of once again doing it all by myself.  I got to experience myself as an effective leader AND team member at the same time.  Pretty cool stuff…

What are some of your experiences with taking on leadership positions or tasks?  What’s your automatic thing to do when put in this position?  Also what are some things you’ve done or ideas you have for creating enrollment and partnership when working with others??

I’d love to learn from your wins and I’m sure others would too!