Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

Because you can’t.  You can only change yourself and your relationship to other people.  You can’t actually change them. There’s nothing wrong with them anyway.  They are however they are.  Where the power and magic to transform a relationship exists is completely within shifting your own interpretations and reactions to whatever it is they do and whoever they ‘be’.

Consider that YOU are the source of ALL of your grief, anxiety and frustration, yet you assume it is caused by another person (or circumstance, or event, etc).  All that angst is a derivative of your own beliefs and thought processes about how people or things should or shouldn’t be.  What would life be like for you if you could live outside of all the ‘should’ and ‘should nots’?  Outside of defending, justifying or blaming?  What possibility do you see that would create space for?  Who could you BE then?

I was journaling yesterday on how Spirit could guide me to focus more attentively on my relationship with myself and with others as well as various areas of life where I’m up to things (business, relationship, friendships, fitness, travel, writing).  I got two main things out of it.  One was to follow my intuition with conviction and do whatever feels right.  To move in the direction of my passions and let the universe work out the details.  The other, more relevant to this particular topic, was to accept people as they are.  I mean, REALLY accept people as they are.  To completely and totally love them for all they are and all they are not and to not wish, hope or try to change them.  After all, wishing they would change is just as destructive as trying to change them.

I also got that as a coach, bringing unconditional acceptance ‘as is’ to my stand for my clients doesn’t mean I don’t support and partner with them in creating their transformation.  After all, they’re hiring me to create the life of their dreams and get results.  It just means that they are perfectly fine wherever they are and there’s absolutely nothing wrong.  Ever.  There are just things that they want in their life that they currently don’t have, obstacles to remove from the path, and breakthroughs to create to get there.  I have always understood this, especially at the intellectual level, but this time seemed to have permeated me even more deeply than in the past, to a level that touched my soul and shifted my perspective.

Now back to you, I’m not saying that you must or should keep everyone in your life and just ‘rise above it’.  Use your own intuition.  You may find that there are some things you are unwilling to settle for which may be an indication that it is no longer serving you to keep someone in your life.  On the other hand, you may find that you’ve been being a jerk or have been instigating tension or disconnect and choose to change the way you relate to them.  Look at what is most in line with what you are committed to in your life.  Regardless of what you choose, and it is most definitely a choice, when you get present to accepting them as they are, you then are responsible for empowering your decision to continue the relationship or not and how it goes from that point on.

So look at the relationships in your life.  Really look on your side of the street at what has them going the way they are.  From a place of accepting those people completely, what is there to take on?  Apology? Forgiveness? Support? Completion? The ability to create relationships that nourish you exists within in your heart.  Let it speak to you.

At Sunday’s service at Sacred Center Rev. Gold talked about life being about ecstasy and bliss.  Life begins, continues, is sustained and ends in ecstasy.

Bliss enters us naturally and it is reflected through our consciousness (or comes out of us) as whatever and wherever we are.  For example, if you’re in a crummy mood or angry, it might come out as judgment.

Another way we say this in coaching is that you ARE your essence (your greatest self) and you HAVE a survival mechanism (fears and automatic ways of being within your comfort zone).  In your natural state, you are love and joy.  But we add a lot of ‘stuff’ on top of that (fears, stories and interpretations about who we are in the world) and then live like that is who we are.  It’s just not true.  You are not your fears.  In fact, you just made them up.

We think everything is OUT THERE. But Eastern teachings say that NOTHING is out there.  It is ALL in us.  What we are, is. What we see, is. What we focus on is what we see.

Ultimately every single experience is coming to GROW you.  Though chances are, the experience won’t always look like you would like it to.  Because of course, we want the end point without any of the work.  We want to be wealthy, in incredible loving relationships, in great shape, have amazing homes and travel the world, but we only want it if it’s easy!  We don’t want to have to change or grow or expand in to who we need to BE in order to live that life.

And all it really takes is taking action, every day, that is in service of what you say you want.  Things are going to come up and you’re going to have obstacles pop up along the way.  But those obstacles are to grow you, not to tell you to stop and give up.

People HATE change.

I was having this conversation with a friend the other day.  Without going into details, she’s really unhappy in her job yet is likely going to look for and end up in a similar position.  Sound familiar?  I bet.  This seems to be a common story among folks today.

People are so scared of change that they’ll do just about anything to keep things the same.  To remain comfortable with whatever seems stable.

Unfortunately though, if things aren’t the way you want them to be and you’re not totally happy, the ONLY way to have them go differently and have life be the way you want it to is to invite change in with an open heart.

It’s not the easy path to take.  No one ever said it was.  But it’s the only path to take if you’re looking to live a life of love, joy and satisfaction.  That is unless everything in your life is already absolutely amazing and you wouldn’t even think about changing a single thing in it.  If that’s you, kudos, you’re one of few.  If it’s not, consider that although change is the scarier way to go, everything you want is available to you on the other side of it.

I can honestly say that I’m am 100% a different person than I was a year and a half ago before becoming a coach and getting involved in transformative work.  I am also 100% happier, more fulfilled, more confident and more secure in the knowledge that I can create whatever I want.  All of this was possible ONLY because I took on and embraced change in a really big way.  I took on transforming my life in service of all the results I wanted.

It may have been scary at times, and I may not have always wanted to, but I’ll be damned if it was worth every second.