Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

I did a past life regression with Rethnea on Sunday.  It was very cool.  It’s very similar to visual (intuitive) meditation except you’re answering questions about yourself and not someone else.  You can check Rethnea out on her blog.  She’s warmth, generosity and peace all wrapped in one delightful package.

I saw glimpses of 3 past lives.

In the first I was a cavewoman.  My cave was on the side of a mountain next to an ocean.  It had and entrance made of 2 long stones (top to bottom) standing on either side of the entrance and one on the top like a hood.  There was an ocean at the bottom and when I went up to it to look at myself I saw I had an average build, long dark hair, bare feet, brown clothes and was kind of dirty.  Then we fast forwarded to dinner time where I saw I had a husband (a big burly guy) and 2 young children, a boy and a girl.  We often ate meat.  I wasn’t very satisfied with my life and seemed to just be getting by, settling for how things were although I wasn’t really happy.  We fast forwarded to the next significant thing that happened where I saw that I was chased down and murdered by a man, being stabbed in the back with a sharp object.  I wasn’t clear on why.

In the second life I was a princess in either India or Egypt – at first I thought Egypt but once I was there I thought it was India.  I first saw myself walking through a bustling village and people stopped when they saw me.  I felt a lot of love and compassion for them.  I was maybe in my late teens and had long dark hair pulled back wearing a headpiece that come to a point between my eyebrows and a purple garment that wrapped around me.  We fast forwarded and I next saw myself living in an ornate palace with my father and younger sister (who I believe was my older sister Jen) – it seemed somewhat solemn in the scene I saw.  (This is extra interesting because afterward when I shared this with my sister she said she’s been told be two different psychics that she has been a Indian princess and a Egyptian priestess in past lives!  They say you frequently reincarnate with the same group of souls although they may exist in a different relationship to you.) There may have been more family but those are all I saw.  I had the sense that my mother had passed away after my sister was born.  Fast forwarding, I was forced to marry (or be with – I wasn’t clear on whether or not we were actually married or not) a man I didn’t know or love who was very aggressive and cruel and I was really despondent about it.  I had 2 children with him, both girls.  He abused me and treated both me & the girls with indifference most of the time.  When the girls were older he sexually abused them.  I found this out when I noticed they seemed upset and quiet – slouched over a bit.  I tried to run away with them but didn’t escape and was brought back.  I was raped and strangled to death by him.

What I learned from this was that in both these lives, I settled for relationships as they were, even though I was unhappy with them.  I just got by and put up with it.  I learned that if I’m unhappy in a situation to not just stay there and to follow my instincts and my heart.  To not worry about the rules and whatever circumstances seem to be present, but instead to pursue whatever my heart yearns for and have conviction in that it will work out.  But also to create joy or satisfaction no matter what my circumstances are.  Each lifetime ended violently which I wasn’t asked to look into but I think it speaks to why I’ve always been afraid of men taking advantage of me and not trusting them.

In the third, which I had just a brief look into it, I was a young boy (maybe 6 or 7) being picked on by other children and they threw sand in my face.  This was what I saw when we looked into the root of my habitually itchy eyes.  The lesson to learn here is that I let myself be affected by what others thought of me too much when it really only matters what I think of me and that I know myself as great.

Messages from my highest self:

I learned that I procrastinate in order to avoid feeling like I’ll be stuck with something if it works out.  Which is a waste of energy because I can always change things and take on new ventures whenever I want if I want.  I spend so much time avoiding doing things that would move me forward because I fear that I’ll end up stuck in a situation that feels like I’m settling or putting up with however things are.  Basically I straddle between the ‘settling for’ and the ‘never settle for’ by sticking with things I know no longer serve me for longer than necessary while on the other hand (and sometimes simultaneously) jumping from idea to idea, venture to venture, relationship to relationship in order to not get trapped.  What I see I need to take on now is finding middle ground where I can commit to something and allow it to continually evolve into whatever serves me best.

I need to learn trust and compassion.  I need to listen to and follow my intuition instead of ignoring it.  Noticing when I have doubt or a nagging that something isn’t right for me and actually taking it seriously.  At the same time I need to learn to trust both myself and others.

Once persistent message was that everything I need is within.  Love is within.  I need to love myself completely and fully and allow it to flow forth from me to others. I also need to learn patience. I need to love and have compassion for people no matter what because everyone else is the same as me.

I have to remind myself of why I fell in love with things in the first place and to CHOOSE joy as my predominate experience.  I got that I should meditate every morning when I wake up to practice being with stillness and that I could also meditate on a particular way of being like peace or joy or love.  (This will help me sleep better as I sometimes still have trouble as would having more regular sleeping hours).  I also got that I should write my book every day for at least an hour.

It was definitely a cool experience.  I’ll have to let you know what comes of it.  We’re doing past life regression work in my intuitive tools class with Deganit Nuur this month so I’ll be able to relay what others see as well!

Thoughts/comments?

Peace, stillness, connecting with yourself, going within.  All some things that pop to mind for me.

I have to say Monday night I did not sleep well.  It easily took me a couple hours to fall asleep.  I used to have pretty bad insomnia growing up, which I’ve mostly overcome but it still hits me once in awhile.

So Tuesday I had a long day full of sample sessions, Accomplishment Coaching leader calls, clients and my own coach.  I was exhausted all day and definitely dragging along through parts of it.

THEN, I went to Siddha Yoga for dinner and an hour and a half of singing, reflecting, chanting and meditation – essentially raising my vibrational energy with lots of wonderful people.  Before the chanting and silent meditation started (they go one after another), the woman leading this evening asked us to reflect for a couple of minutes in silence on why we came here.  What came to mind for me was opening my heart to love and compassion and being with a community dedicated to the same, recognizing our inherent oneness or unity and raising my energy and spirits with them collectively.

Although at times I was a bit antsy, half nodding off from being so tired or ready to be done with it (my mind’s usual song and dance), it was still certainly rejuvenating and I was definitely glad I’d come back.

However, it wasn’t until I was having a conversation with a friend on the phone later that I really realized (and exclaimed) how much better I felt than prior to meditation!  In fact, I felt pretty great.

It just goes to show that taking time to be still and go within makes such a significant impact on our (at least my) well being.  No wonder people who meditate are so much calmer and more peaceful than everyone else.  It’s re-energizing!

This isn’t to say I’m consistent with doing a daily practice yet (far from it) but I certainly see the value and will start to integrate it more and more into my life.

It’s funny how taking 20, even 10 minutes a day to meditate can seem like an imposition or a hardship (you don’t have the time, right?) and yet we waste that time so incredibly quickly doing other things that don’t serve us nearly as well like watching TV (one of my personal favorites), mindlessly surfing the internet (sometimes done while watching TV – ADD at it’s best) or just getting caught up in drama – which lets be honest, everyone does at times.  I’m guessing it would be ideal to do longer than 10 or 20 minutes but I really think that even that (especially starting out) would make a huge difference in our days, especially if we started the day off with it.

So, I’m extremely curious, what’s your experience with meditating?  Do you do it?  For how long and how frequently?  Do you sit in silence, do visualization or something else?  What difference does it make for you?

This story was relayed to me in my Landmark Forum in Action seminar last night.  It really struck me as incredibly insightful and inspiring and I wanted to share it with you.  Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section below!

The Sense of the Goose

In the fall when you see geese heading south for the winter flying in the “V” formation, you might be interested in knowing what science has discovered about why they fly that way. It has been learned that as each bird flaps its wings, it creates uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater range than if each bird flew on its own.

Lesson: People who are a part of a team and share a common direction get where they are going quicker and easier, because they are going quicker and easier and because they are traveling on the trust of one another.

Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go through it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the power of the flock.

Lesson: If we have as much sense as a goose, we will share information with those who are headed the same way we are going.

When the lead goose gets tired, he rotates back in the wing and another goose takes over.

Lesson: It pays to share leadership and take turns doing hard jobs.

The geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep their speed.

Lesson: Words of support and inspiration help energize those on the front line, helping them to keep pace in spite of the day-to-day pressures and fatigue.

Finally, when a goose gets sick or is wounded by a gun shot and falls out, two geese fall out of the formation and follow the injured one down to help and protect him. They stay with him until he is either able to fly or until he is dead, and then they launch out with another formation to catch up with their group.

Lesson: If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other when things get rough.

The next time you see a formation of geese, remember: it is a reward, a challenge and a privilege to be contributing to a team!

(Author unknown)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This seems to have come at the perfect time since in my post yesterday I spoke of only fostering relationships with amazing people from now on.  This story really just reinforces what I’ve already realized: that (for me) being with like-minded people who are raising their vibration (or spiritual consciousness) or doing transformational work inspires me to be bigger, bolder and step further into my leadership.

Conversely, I can see that being with folks who are very judgmental or pessimistic pulls you into their vortex of negativity and drains you.  So again, the message is, surround yourself with those who bring you up, not down!

Being with other leaders who have courageously taken on this kind of work allows me to step up and take on the challenge of learning to lead effectively and as a team part of the time while allowing others to take the lead and supporting them other times.

The bottom line is: the weight of the world does not have to rest on my shoulders alone. Which I think it may seem like sometimes. I have wonderful people I can enroll in supporting me in whatever way I need because they love and care about me – and I get to do the same for them.  These people most definitely challenge and inspire me.  From my leadership team in Accomplishment Coaching, to all my fellow participants in Landmark, to the folks I meet at Sacred Center and Siddha Yoga and the various other spiritual, mental, emotional and physical venues of my life. I have to say, it’s pretty amazing to realize the vast richness of the resources I have and am creating.

I am just going to give a detailed account of what I felt or saw.  It reminded be of something like Reiki except without any physical touch.

First I talked to Yossi about why I was taking this on, essentially sharing the things I felt I needed to let go of.  Mainly this related to beliefs I felt were in the way of me building my business successfully and finding the right relationship.   The whole thing lasted 45 minutes.

Yossi started out by saying a little prayer and from the moment he started doing praying, my heart started beating faster and continued to do so at least until he came over to the table. (Which was essentially a massage table).  Once he came over he told me to try to still my mind, go into my heart and just be.

Then, I actually felt the energy moving in my body!  In the beginning I felt it moving up from my stomach to my chest to my head and finally I felt a light-medium pulling sensation out through my crown chakra (top of the head).  As best I can describe it, the feeling was that of a compressed ball of pressure and tingling feeling which sort of lingered in each area for a bit and then progressed upwards.  This reoccurred a few times going from my chest up to and out through my head.  Later on I also felt energy just lifting/pulling out of me from my stomach & chest upwards (somewhere through the 2nd-4th Chakras I suppose). I could feel my chest getting so full of energy that it would lift slightly up from the table along with a slight tilt back of my head without my effort.  There was at one point an undeniable tilting of my head to the left and then down a bit – it felt like I was being pulled by the energy to do so. More than once I felt energy enveloping my entire body.

Right above my lower right hip I felt a small pang of pain and immediately after I briefly felt medium-heavy pressure just on my right eye.  There was one more spot that I don’t recall.  Yossi told me after that when you feel slight, brief pain like a pinch or pang or pressure in a localized spot it’s energy knots that are being released.

I could feel energy (like a small ball or area of it, strong tingles or pressure) in some different parts of my body at different times, including my hands, feet and knee.

In my minds eye I could see 2 spirit bodies standing over me, perhaps 3 at one point – sort of a bluish color – they were more masses of energy than distinct features.  Though at one point I believe I saw a flash of a detailed profiled face but it was too quick to describe it. Yossi said that he had called the Angels and Ascended Masters to come heal me so it made sense I would see them there.

I frequently had thoughts popping up after a few moments of stillness but one time in the stillness I felt a strong sense of love & compassion come over me.

Now, I’m going to precursor this with that I’m hesitant to share this part but I’m going to anyway.  Early on, just for a minute, I had a flash of imagery of myself as an Indian princess and saw my parents (not the same ones as now) in front of me. I think this may have been a past life. I got the sense there may have been some violence against me in this life at some point.  This was especially interesting to me because when I went to Siddha Yoga on Tuesday I had a very similar image of myself pop into my head during our chanting.

I recall getting worried that the beliefs would come back and I got the response of ‘permanent’.  (The skeptic in me wants to refute, ‘how could it be permanent?’ But that’s what I got.)

Seeing as I’m not seasoned at shutting off my mind as a meditation practice, there were definitely other thoughts that popped up.  I don’t know whether they were of my conscious mind or subconscious mind – nor can I think of other specific ones to share.

But I certainly enjoyed the experience and I definitely felt lighter, freer and more at ease after the process was complete.

I also made a wonderful new friend.  Yossi has been practicing Siddha Yoga for 16 years.  He does spiritual counseling in addition to energy work.  He is incredibly wise, warm, and well versed in higher consciousness work which you all know I love.  He’s so generous in sharing his own spiritual journey with others and is a delight to spend time with.

Different people have different experiences but if you’re interested in trying it out it’s very affordable and I’d be happy to provide Yossi’s information.  Let me know!

So, I went to the Siddha Yoga center last night as I mentioned in my previous post.

It was interesting.  I really enjoyed the experience. It’s free to attend for those of you who are wondering.

I got there 15 minutes early in order to attend an introduction. Went to take my shoes and coat off in the coat room and then proceeded directly to the little dining room. Clearly did not find said introduction and ate yummy food instead. Far from surprising. I tend to want to eat all the time.

I wasn’t actually aware they served (sold – but it’s very inexpensive) food so I’d eaten already. But regardless, before the chant and mediation I had a baked apple (soo good) and chai tea.

Ask my parents or any of my exes, the way to my heart is definitely through food. I’m such a guy.

Anyhow, on to the main event. The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half (7p-8:30p). I’m not sure how long each part lasted but first everyone sang a song (prayer?) together in sandskrit (this I had trouble following, even with the printout to follow along). One woman (leading the evening) spoke for a bit and they shared a video clip of the guru, Gurumayi, giving a message about being at peace in your mind; noticing when you have stillness and calm in your mind and recreating that experience throughout your day. She speaks of how having peace in your mind is how you have peace with God.  This is what creates bliss.

Then we chanted: ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ which translates to “I honor the divinity (or Shiva) that resides within me”. It was really singing rather than chanting. The chorus (for lack of a better description) would sing it four times and then everyone else would repeat. In just the very beginning I admit I felt a little silly but that quickly faded as I realized no one here was judging me, they were joining with me. So I let myself envelope into it. There were definitely a few times the thought popped into my head, “Really? how LONG is this going to last?”. But most of the time I found it really enjoyable. It was easy to get uplifted and carried away by the beautiful singing and joint expression of unity. At one point I could actually envision not just that I was honoring myself as divine, but that everyone else chanting was honoring me as divine, and I them. I won’t say this feeling lasted too long for me but it was just such a powerful recognition of connection that the feeling still resonates with me. Other things went through my head as well here and there but can’t remember them specifically enough to share them.

After the chanting completed we went into silent mediation for awhile. Again, no real gauge on the length here. My best guess would be 30 minutes. They tell you to focus either on your breath or you can continue repeating the mantra in your head. Another chant I learned from Eat Pray Love is ham-sa (‘ham’ on the breath in, ‘sa’ on the breath out) which translates to “I am that”. A tribute to my overactive attention span I switched on and off between all three options – the two mantras and watching my breath – mostly watching my breath I suppose. Naturally my thoughts wondered at times – mostly to random thoughts about upcoming or past situations as most minds do – avoiding both the present moment and silencing that inner voice which of course is what meditation is all about. I don’t think I did too poorly though for my first time there (not that you can meditate badly I suppose). When this completed (via gong) we ended the evening.

I proceeded to head back to the little dining room (it’s really a sickness). I got some food to bring home with me because it looked too good not to (of course I caved in and tasted it – delicious) and decaf coffee. I sat down to chat with people which was a delight. Everyone was wonderful and I love the community within the center.

One of the folks I met was an older Israeli man who is a healer. It’s a bit challenging for him to describe what he does as he finds himself shocked and mystified by the results people report to him. He says he’s a conduit for healing people’s karmic energy. Of course I’m captivated by this (having just read about past life regressions and how healing karmic energy can have you break through where you keep consistently getting stuck in life in ‘Many Lives, Many Masters’ by Brian L Weiss). His story of how he came to this path was so engaging. Perhaps I’ll share it another day. Anyway, I’m going to get a healing from him on Saturday so I’ll let you know how it goes. (Excited!) I am definitely beyond interested in finding out what a karmic healing will do for me. Can’t wait to see!

I just finished Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert the other day. It makes me want to go to an Ashram! (Ideally in India – I’ve got a serious travel bug). I tend to be very curious about things and easily enrolled (within reason) into anything spiritual or transformational. Though I’m not going to lie, I’m not completely convinced that I would be able to handle it. It seems pretty intense. However, I’ve certainly done some very rigorous self-development work already so perhaps I’m underestimating myself.

In case you haven’t read the book or don’t know what an Ashram is, I pulled this from Wikipedia: ‘Traditionally, an ashram is a religious hermitage. Additionally, today the term ashram often denotes a locus of Indian cultural activity such as yoga, music study or religious instruction, the moral equivalent of a studio or dojo.’ From what I gather the intention is to have a spiritual experience of connecting with God. I’m intrigued.

Elizabeth Gilbert speaks of having actual experiences of God and the unconditional compassionate love that exists within that state. Fascinating. There’s certainly a part of me that is VERY curious and begs to have that kind of experience myself. If you haven’t garnered this yet, I’m fond of Eastern philosophies. No, I have not studied them in depth, but from what I know of them, I like them. That’s enough for me to want to explore.

She mainly seems to do a lot of mediation. My own meditations are very different than those Liz Gilbert speaks of and I haven’t anywhere near achieved the blissful state that she and many other spiritual writings speak of in their quests to spiritual enlightenment. So hey, I want in the club too.

I can experience stillness more easily than ever before in my lifetime. I could hardly meditate at all before (and had little sense of how to anyway). Let me tell you, meditating absolutely makes a huge difference – instilling a sense of peace and wholeness that I hadn’t before known possible. Since November I’ve been taking Intuitive Tool classes where you learn a lot of wonderful meditation techniques via visualization and build the skill of accessing your intuition. They’re amazing and led by Deganit Nuur (deganitnuur.com). In addition to the classes she offers she also does incredible intuitive readings.

It’s funny because I didn’t even know how starved I was for a spiritual connection until Accomplishment Coaching introduced me to guided meditation and some incredible books like Conversations with God and A Return to Love. Those certainly rocked my world.

That’s actually what led me to seek out Sacred Center in the first place. It’s so great what comes into your life when you create the space for it.

Anyway, I’ve found the Guru Gilbert speaks of in her book, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda who studied under Swami Muktananda (http://www.siddhayoga.org/guru/index.aspx). I’m planning to go to their Tuesday evening mediation tonight and check it out. Will let you know how it goes…

I thought the previous post describing Sacred Center was getting too long so decided to break off my experience of today into a new post.

In part of today’s message Rev. Gold read a bit from David Whyte’s poem, Sweet Darkness, that I found so beautiful and worth sharing.

You must learn one thing.

The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn that

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

you have made too small for you.

I’m going to focus on the last part of this: “Anyone or anything that doesn’t make you come ALIVE, you’ve made too small for you.” Wow. Talk about inspiring.

Now, at first I though she said ‘IS too small for you’, which is different. I’ve always been one to abandon things that don’t (or no longer) make me feel alive and happy. (And since I love ‘getting things right’, I thought: insert victory dance here). There’s obvious potential danger in that of course because with my self diagnosis of chronic ennui, I’ve got a knack for being pretty masterful at avoiding making commitments. So this partly plays into my automatic way of being (which is nothing to throw a party for). As a side note, I’ve made a ton of progress in this area by making bold commitments in the face of my resistance (ie. leading a coach training program, stepping up as a group leader in my Landmark forum seminar…). AND when I DO make a commitment, I’m always 100% all in. Which is why I like to avoid them so stealthily.

Now, looking at that if something or someone doesn’t make me come alive, I’VE MADE them too small for me. That’s interesting. There are many ways to look at that. It could be that I keep choosing people that don’t treat me right or situations that don’t make me come alive – that I’m constantly settling for less than I could have or manifest (probably because some part of me still doesn’t truly believe I deserve the pot of gold). This certainly feels familiar (albeit a bit uncomfortable) and I can see that I do that often enough – especially with people. It could refer to where I squander the possibility of realizing what I’m capable of and who I’m capable of being by making myself smaller to fit in someone else’s box. It could also mean that in my mind I’m making a situation or person smaller than it really is. I’m only seeing one narrow, small perspective or view of them/it that doesn’t show me the jewel or gift available to me which would help me grow and live a bigger life.

What do you see for yourself?

Rev. Gold spoke of recognizing the breakthrough available in every breakdown. (Talk about a coaching concept..) That we need to raise our consciousness above the ‘problems’ that we’re trying to deal with or fix because from that place nothing new will come. Fixing a problem always eventually leads to another problem that needs to be fixed because nothing new ever occurs – and you could spend your entire life fixing problems. You cannot solve problems at the same level of consciousness at which they were created (Einstein). You have to raise your level of consciousness and see the bigger picture, look through your heart (instead of your head) and find the gold the universe is trying to provide you with. She said prayers are always answered when we realize our part in them, because they are answered through us. Not outside of us. We are the doorway (‘between heaven and earth’). So we have to open our eyes and see what’s in front of us otherwise we miss the gifts life has to offer, that are often staring us in the face.

All very thought-provoking. Very inspiring.

After just returning from a 2 week vacation, I’d say this was a great way to start the week…

Happy Sunday,

Jaclyn

God I love this place. I’ve decided it deserves it’s own post.

Sacred Center is a non-denominational church (which the Jew on me insists on calling a spiritual center) based heavily on the teachings of the Tao Te Ching & The Science of Mind. (It’s located at the Church of St Paul & St Andrew on the NE corner of 86th & West End – http://sacredcenterny.org). From their website:

We are a non-religious church that is open to everyone regardless of race, religion, culture or sexual orientation. We teach spirituality, a blend of Western teachings with Eastern philosophies to create the foundation and spiritual practice that has become our life. We are passionate and dedicated to helping you experience the Living God in every area of your life.

Our Teachers are:
* Jesus of Nazareth
* Lao Tsu and the Tao Te Ching
* Ernest Holmes and The Science of Mind
* Charles & Myrtle Fillmore and Unity
* Joel Goldsmith and The Infinite Way
* The mystical stories of the Old & New Testaments
* Bhagavad-Gita – and so many more.

I think it’s akin to Agape in LA if you know of that – I’ve never been to Agape but from what I’ve heard of it they seem well aligned. It’s seriously incredible and they constantly speak of opening your heart and stepping into your own personal path and truth, accepting yourself as you are while taking on your bigness and greatness. I used to go fairly regularly for awhile. I fell off the wagon over the summer and fall but am working on being more consistent again in attending.

Reverend August Gold started the center and is an incredible speaker – she has a fabulous sense of humor and is unendingly inspirational and compassionate while at that same time embracing and sharing her humanity. She’s a gay, Jewish minister. Needless to say I find this quite impressive. I consistently and emphatically endorse her as an incredible spiritual teacher to anyone interested in embracing or enhancing their spirituality in any way.

Being there is such an uplifting experience. Everyone sings and is so joyful and hopeful about life. One of my friends who has always felt repressed and punished by the Christian church (for being who he is) has said that each time he goes to Sacred Center it’s like healing a year of the time (and ensuing bitterness) he was forced to go to Christian church. So if you’re looking for some healing and inspiration, definitely check it out.

Check out the following post for what I took from today’s message.

Well, ‘we’ (meaning myself & all the coaches I affiliate myself with) say it is. And in MANY ways I’ve actually seen the difference my own personal development has made in my relationships to my family members as well as clients and colleagues transformative processes make in theirs.

But I am certainly far from having figured it out yet.

I adore my family – I know they love me unconditionally and always will just as I do them. My parents have given me everything I could have ever asked for – a great home, nice things, lots of vacations, the green light on taking up any new extracurricular activity that caught my fancy, celebrations for any new accomplishment (from report cards, to birthdays to graduations) – and those are just some generalities among many things they’ve provided throughout the years… and of course we always knew (and were told) that we were loved. Yet we constantly push each others buttons and set each other off like detonating little hand grenades. We just can’t seem to help ourselves.

My mom whines or demands something and I revert to an 8 year old child incredulous and angry at how ‘annoying’ or ‘manipulative’ she’s being. My big red button has been pushed. Hard. And that’s just one example. It pretty much happens across the board with family with the various things that set me off. And them too – perhaps a few different buttons though. It’s like there’s no off switch for our automatic responses (and again, those reactions may vary from person to person). And lets be honest, they’re frequently not nice and certainly not ‘transformed’ reactions.

Yet I’ve been able to make vast leaps and bounds in how I react to other people – friends, colleagues, even strangers – when my buttons are pushed.

What do you think it is about families that they’re all somehow dysfunctional even in the best of cases?

Based on some recent books I’ve read – Many Lives, Many Masters (Brian L Weiss) being the most recent – I’d guess it’s because we’re meant to learn lessons from one another (that we wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity to), to overcome our impatience and indifference towards one another. To realize that we’re not the disconnected secluded islands we pretend to be but actually one big land mass. To have compassion, love and forgiveness for others, recognizing ourselves in them – that we essentially ARE them.

Simple right?

Ha. Obviously easier said than done.

Thus far, and after a recent conversation with my sister, I have come to the conclusion that my journey here on earth (this time around – yes, we both believe in reincarnation) I’m meant to learn patience & trust. I think perhaps, kindness too – not that I’m not loving, but if I’m honest I don’t think I’m always kind. So I’m practicing.

SO – to anyone who I’ve ever been unkind to in any way – I apologize
from the depths of my heart. I would never wish to inflict any sort of hurt or harm on another. Yet I’m sure I’ve unintentionally done just that. I’m just another imperfect person, learning as I go along. If you notice me being unkind, please feel free to reflect it to me. I’m working on it..