Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

I just had my Landmark Advanced Course this weekend.  It was AMAZING.

For anyone who thinks Landmark is a cult or brainwashing or whatever you’ve made up about it – you have NO idea what you’re missing.

I’ve been doing transformational work for nearly two years now and in this weekend I finally got myself.  I got freedom, love and abundance.  I realized that my biggest shtick in life has been that ‘you don’t care about me’.  If you broke off plans with me at the last minute, you didn’t care about me.  If I was always the one reaching out to you to make plans and it was never or rarely reciprocal, you didn’t care about me.  If you didn’t support me when I asked for it, you didn’t care about me.  If you didn’t give me referrals when I requested them, you didn’t care about me.  This could go on forever.  And it did, really.  In all of my relationships.  Whatever you did that didn’t seem loving in my opinion, that’s what I made it mean.

One of the huge things I got this weekend, and I do mean one because there is SO much more that I got as well, was that ‘You don’t care about me’ is absolutely 100% NOT TRUE.  I MADE IT UP.  And I then related to people like it was the truth.  AND, if you didn’t care about me, then I didn’t have to care about you either.  I can see that what I unconsciously thought I was getting out of this cycle was protection from getting my heart broken.  Yet that was completely made up as well because from that place I never got to really be connected or related to anyone in a deep and meaningful way.  Which completely cost me having amazing relationships.

I certainly have more to share and will do so in other posts but for now I will leave you with this.  How would your life transform if you actually got that the automatic way you were relating to people was completely inauthentic and made up?  We’re all human so we all do it.  What if you had the freedom to create ANYTHING you wanted?

My final evening of the advanced course is tonight from 7:30p-10:45p.  It’s at 317 W. 33rd between 8th & 9th Ave.  We’re allowed to bring guests so consider yourself invited to transform your life and your relationship to yourself and others.

Or if that’s not for you, I’m more than happy to have a conversation with you about creating possibility and abundance in your life.  I am beyond lit up about the magic of life and am so excited about sharing it.  Come and get it!

I just started reading Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.  Early on in the book it says the following.  “A human being is like a television set with millions of channels. If we turn the Buddha on, we are the Buddha.  If we turn the sorrow on, we are the sorrow.  If we turn a smile on, we really are the smile. We can’t let just one channel dominate us. We have the seeds of everything in us, and we have to take the situation in hand to recover our own sovereignty.”

I loved this piece.  It really illuminates in the plainest terms that we are what we believe and we can simply choose which experiences to ‘turn on’. Yet people so frequently get sucked in to crappy programming.

People are so persistently plagued by beliefs that disempower them.  They’re not good enough, they’ll never be able to do it, they can’t afford it, they don’t deserve it, people don’t like them and so on and so forth.  Yet they’re the one ‘turning on’ (and tuning in to) that channel.

It’s human nature.  I of course do it myself as well.  For example, for the longest time I turned on the “I can’t afford it” channel.  Living out the starring role of this show I freaked out about giving myself anything and had lots of reasons and excuses to justify not doing so.  And when I did spend money anyway, I had tremendous guilt or uneasiness about it.  For example, I would go to dinner with friends and be hyper-sensitive about only paying exactly what I owed.  Talk about anal (and unpleasant)!

Then I finally started to break down this ‘story’ of mine.  First it was little by little that I started to make changes.  I’d split bills evenly at dinner and not care if I owed less.  I’d buy little things for others or donate money here and there.  Then at some point my coach encouraged me to invest in things I really wanted for myself in service of my clients being able to invest in theirselves and what they want (coaching).  After all, how could I expect them to take on what I myself wouldn’t?  I still struggled with this for a month or two still unwilling to let go and trust the universe.  Until something switched.

I read Brian Weiss’ ‘Many Lives, Many Masters’ and was fascinated by the stories of past life regressions.  When I got home I googled past life regression therapy and found that Brian Weiss was doing a workshop in Philly for $139.  I was so excited to find it and knew I had to sign up so I put my money objections aside and registered.  I posted the workshop on my twitter and later that day Rethnea contacted me to share with me that she had studied with Dr. Weiss and does past life regressions and wanted to offer me a free 3 hour session which I gratefully accepted.  (Unbeknownst to me I was the last free session she was to offer anyone as she decided to start charging for her work). Then, after completing Dr. Weiss’ workshop, we did past life work in my intuitive tool classes with Deganit.  There’s another amazing example in my post, ‘What are you bringing into your life?‘  It’s amazing what the universe provides you with when you get over yourself and surrender your BS to it.  All you have to do is give a little bit of yourself and trust that the universe will take care of you and bring you more than you could have imagined.

Now I’m creating the story of, ‘I can create anything!’

What’s one ‘story’ or belief you’re holding on to for dear life that if you took action in the face of it, might create something phenomenal in your life?  What’s just one baby step action you could take within the next week?

On a related note, I heard an awesome statistic the other day that when people sign up for a coaching program, when they simply register, they are anywhere from 20%-200% more likely to get the results they want.  If you think about it, this makes perfect sense.  What we’re actually talking about is putting some skin in the game of life.  You can look at this in other areas of life just as easily.  For example, you’re unlikely to learn a new language until you sign up for a course, or to learn salsa until you register for a dance class. You have to say yes to life before anything new can happen.

What do you really want in your life that you’ve been a constant ‘no’ to based on some circumstance?  I invite you to go take any action towards being a yes to it and watch it snowball.

Just a quick post today.

I had a really great intuitive meditation class with Deganit today.

We did visual meditation where we went to the library that had a special room just to house all our unique soul’s memories.  Every single one.  The idea is that you’ve already experienced every life possible.  You’ve been rich, poor, in love, lonely, intelligent, simple, etc.  So your soul already holds all of this knowledge of how to do each thing effortlessly.  So in this meditation we were able to ask for any help we saw we needed in the present to move something forward in our lives. We could then ‘download’ (with the aid of our spirit guides) the information so that we ‘remember’ it.  I did this with money.  I said that I wanted know how to have money come to me easily and effortlessly. Based on ‘downloading’ (or soaking up) some past experiences of doing this I was then able to get this information imprinted upon me.

While I’m not yet sure of the difference this will make it was certainly a wondrous and   gratifying experience.

The other thing we learned to do today was to take on the ‘love’ energy that comes from the universe.  This involves using our spirit guides to be a conduit for that healing sensation.  It was amazing.  I really felt myself in an incredibly peaceful and serene state.  I’ve always had a lot of trouble meditating when it involved shutting your mind off completely and yet that was the experience I had when doing this exercise and it was completely effortless.  My mind stopped churning and I just felt great.  We also learned how to be a conduit for this to others myself so if you’re interested in trying it out let me know.  It reminded be a lot of Reiki.

Have any of you had experiences with energy healing?  What did you get out of it?  Or what do you see you could get out of doing some energy healing work?

Because you can’t.  You can only change yourself and your relationship to other people.  You can’t actually change them. There’s nothing wrong with them anyway.  They are however they are.  Where the power and magic to transform a relationship exists is completely within shifting your own interpretations and reactions to whatever it is they do and whoever they ‘be’.

Consider that YOU are the source of ALL of your grief, anxiety and frustration, yet you assume it is caused by another person (or circumstance, or event, etc).  All that angst is a derivative of your own beliefs and thought processes about how people or things should or shouldn’t be.  What would life be like for you if you could live outside of all the ‘should’ and ‘should nots’?  Outside of defending, justifying or blaming?  What possibility do you see that would create space for?  Who could you BE then?

I was journaling yesterday on how Spirit could guide me to focus more attentively on my relationship with myself and with others as well as various areas of life where I’m up to things (business, relationship, friendships, fitness, travel, writing).  I got two main things out of it.  One was to follow my intuition with conviction and do whatever feels right.  To move in the direction of my passions and let the universe work out the details.  The other, more relevant to this particular topic, was to accept people as they are.  I mean, REALLY accept people as they are.  To completely and totally love them for all they are and all they are not and to not wish, hope or try to change them.  After all, wishing they would change is just as destructive as trying to change them.

I also got that as a coach, bringing unconditional acceptance ‘as is’ to my stand for my clients doesn’t mean I don’t support and partner with them in creating their transformation.  After all, they’re hiring me to create the life of their dreams and get results.  It just means that they are perfectly fine wherever they are and there’s absolutely nothing wrong.  Ever.  There are just things that they want in their life that they currently don’t have, obstacles to remove from the path, and breakthroughs to create to get there.  I have always understood this, especially at the intellectual level, but this time seemed to have permeated me even more deeply than in the past, to a level that touched my soul and shifted my perspective.

Now back to you, I’m not saying that you must or should keep everyone in your life and just ‘rise above it’.  Use your own intuition.  You may find that there are some things you are unwilling to settle for which may be an indication that it is no longer serving you to keep someone in your life.  On the other hand, you may find that you’ve been being a jerk or have been instigating tension or disconnect and choose to change the way you relate to them.  Look at what is most in line with what you are committed to in your life.  Regardless of what you choose, and it is most definitely a choice, when you get present to accepting them as they are, you then are responsible for empowering your decision to continue the relationship or not and how it goes from that point on.

So look at the relationships in your life.  Really look on your side of the street at what has them going the way they are.  From a place of accepting those people completely, what is there to take on?  Apology? Forgiveness? Support? Completion? The ability to create relationships that nourish you exists within in your heart.  Let it speak to you.

“Success is moving from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

I so frequently stop or get stagnant when the stench of failure wafts into my life so as to avoid being enmeshed by it at all costs.  In actuality, this is a surefire way to avoid ever being successful.

You HAVE to fail over and over again in order to learn how to create success for yourself.  Failures provide learning and growth.  They simply reflect something that did not work and point you in the direction of what will.

Yet most of us consider them to be these big, scary, horrible experiences.  We spend so much time and energy avoiding having to deal with failure that we never even get the chance to show how naturally creative and powerful we are.

The cosmic joke is that we’re meant to develop and evolve; to expand our capacity for love, compassion, patience and generosity.  But we want all that juicy end stuff without any of the work it takes to get there.  Yet it takes work.  And that work involves lots and lots of ‘failures’.

What I see for myself is that if I truly start welcoming failures, it would diffuse some of the anxiety and significance I’ve created around the expectation I currently have of what the experience has to be.  Places where I’ve feared hearing answers I don’t want to hear, or fear that I won’t actually make a difference, will no longer be so confronting because I wouldn’t be pre-planning the lashing I’d give myself if things don’t go smoothly.  Because as I’ve mentioned before, I’m highly skilled at beating myself up.  I think if I go from failure to failure enthusiastically, it will be life-giving.  I will be able to step into absolutely anything without judgment or predisposed conceptions of how it has to go.  From that place, success is inevitable.

What would be in it for you to take on failing masterfully?  What space do you see might open up for you if your view shifted from failure as disastrous to failure as delightful?

I saw this weekend that I have a lot of charge/energy around the concept of being a “shitty coach” and “not being as good as others”.  If something triggers me to feel like either of those, I immediately shut down and start beating myself up for it. It goes back to a very young conversation that I’m just not good enough and don’t fit in.

I realized it’s not that any of that is at all true, or that anyone else believes that it’s true, but rather that I spend so much time trying to be NOT that, that I can’t actually get outside of it.  There’s some part of me deep down that must believe it could be true because there’s significant fear of being just that.

What I saw, with the help of a couple friends/colleagues, is that if I create it as a neutral place, I can then build, grow and learn from there.  For example, “Ok, so I’m a shitty coach.  Now what?” or “Ok, others are better than me. Now what?”.  At first I couldn’t even be with that concept.  But the reason I couldn’t be with it is because I think I shouldn’t be a shitty coach or inferior, and I am masterful at beating myself up about things I think ‘shouldn’t be’.

However, I realized that if I stopped beating myself up all the time, I would have infinite more space to be with people and to make a difference with my clients.  To really open my heart to others and allow it all.

What do you see for yourselves?

What are some hot buttons that trigger you to get angry or upset with yourself, that you just have a really hard time being with?

Often it’s the things that are the most charged for us that cause us to do everything in our power to not be that thing we fear.  Yet then we’re imprisoned by the belief that at our core we are in fact that thing.

It’s often easier to see in other people.  You almost inevitably know lots of people who beat themselves up for everything and anything possible.  They believe they’re not a good enough leader, they’re not attractive enough, cool enough, smart enough, strong enough, funny enough, etc.  So they do everything they can to compensate for what they imagined is wrong with them rather than be with that fear and create an opportunity to grow.

Well, you too.

What consequences do you see of living your life based on some kind of imaginary fear?

From there, what new way of being would you like to create instead?  Because that is what’s possible from taking ownership of your interpretations and actions.  That is where you can make a difference.

The soul doesn’t talk in language, it talks in feeling; in intuition, pulling or knowing towards something.

How often are we in conflict about things because what our head says isn’t what our heart wants?  The answers to your purpose and the path you’re meant to take in this life don’t reside in fear, judgment, or self-loathing.  They lie in going within, to that deep part within you that knows your higher truth and the vast array of abundance that is completely available to you.

Not everyone is willing to take this path though.  Lets be honest, it’s not the ‘easy’ path to take.  It’s so much easier to remain stagnant and stew in the comfort of our incompletions and dissatisfaction than it is to actually break free of those patterns and be responsible for how our life occurs for us.

Personally I stewed for SO long.  For most of my life in fact.  It’s definitely coaching, transformational and spiritual work that has pulled me out of my shitty little box of what was possible for me.  Actually, I always saw the bigger picture and the the possibility of life, I think I just didn’t really believe true happiness and fulfillment was possible for me in my heart.  I knew it was possible for everyone else but some core part of me didn’t believe that I deserved it too.

It’s mind-boggling for me to realize how far I’ve come from that place.  I may have understood intellectually before but didn’t truly get in my heart that love truly is all around you and within.  You don’t need something outside of yourself to tell you you’re worthwhile and lovable.  You, without even trying, just are.  Just like I am.  There are treasures and wisdom and riches within.  Yet I kept looking for things outside of me to justify my worth.  (Look for yourself here too – where are you doing that?)  The ironic thing is that if you know me, you’ve probably always known that I’m valuable and lovable, while not truly believing it about yourself.  Or at least having some form of ‘I’m not good enough’ persistently hanging out in your head.

Funny how we all think we’re so different, but we’re actually not.  We all have fears and insecurities.  We all go through breakdowns and think that ours are so unique… and no one has it as bad as we do… and it’s not fair… and why can’t we just be like everyone else who has it together?!

The big joke is that no one has it all together.  We’re all working out or own stuff and in the process of generating our lives.  We may be at different stages in the process or dealing with different kinds of problems.  (Case and point, Mother Theresa had way bigger problems than I do and was certainly more evolved on her journey of compassion, tender-heartedness and contribution – but I’d put money on that she still dealt with her own fears and ‘problems’ just like everyone else has to. Same with the Ghandi, the Dalai Lama, etc.   We’re human.)

All I’m saying is that when you see, own, and access all the love around and within you, you stop searching for it externally and start owning that you are responsible for and fully capable of creating the life you want.  Rev. Gold said “Once you’ve connected to the inner kingdom, the place from which stuff comes, you now have access to it.  You no longer have to worry about what channel to get it from next.”

So what I’ve taken is is to stop worrying – it’s ALL within.  And wow, are things just happening in my life.  I invite you to do it with me.

I’m feeling the need to share that I don’t like talking about my business in my posts.  There’s something about looking good and avoiding looking bad that consistently keeps me from writing about wins (or breakdowns) or lessons I learn in my business.

I’ve taken my willingness to be vulnerable with people to a whole different level just by starting this blog yet it’s clear to me that I’m not sharing things that would definitely be of value to folks in order to save face or avoid being judged.  It’s funny because I imagine it’s easy for people to judge lots of the things I talk about in my posts anyway yet for some reason when it comes to my business, I get far more confronted than by other topics.

I think we all do this.  We don’t share authentically with everyone what’s really going on in certain areas of our lives because we judge that they should be going or certain way or shouldn’t be going however they are.

Something fabulous that one of my clients said today was that in looking at how things were in the past (actually just a few months ago), she saw that they had to go the way they did and she had to go through what she did in order to get where she is now.  And because of that, she could see that the process was perfect.  Because today she feels empowered and liberated from some limiting beliefs that had a stronghold on her for most of her life.  But couldn’t have gotten here without going through the muck.  By the same logic, you can’t get where you want to go without going through whatever is in the way and breaking it down.  So naturally then, where you are too is perfect.  And there’s simply still work to be done to get the results you want.

So the thing I want to share about my business today is that I’ve had a breakthrough in it recently.  I shared in my post, Give It All Away, that I finally understood that I wasn’t getting what I wanted in life because I wasn’t giving it to the universe.  I said I wanted to be a contribution and to have a thriving coaching practice but I certainly wasn’t consistently having new clients sign up.  What I see is that I was actually being really stingy with both myself and others – more interested in what I could gain for myself than what I could give away to others and life.

What I didn’t share about my experience that day at Sacred Center was that this understanding that I needed to give to the universe what I was looking to have myself really moved to give more than my usual $2 or $3 donation when they passed the baskets around.  Instead, I filled out a credit card slip and donated $20.  This may or may not seem like a huge deal to you but for me it was an act of giving away the thing I’d been struggling to bring in to myself to something I love – without the story of ‘I can’t afford to do this’ or ‘I need to save money’ or ‘This is irresponsible’ attached to it.  I was contributing to something I saw as wonderful in the world instead of looking to be contributed to.  And it felt great.  Her message (I recommend reading the post if you haven’t already) had really shifted my perception of who I was being in the world.

The magic, the reason this is so significant to share, is that the very next day, I had a new client hire me.  While I know I’m a great coach and provide a lot of value for people, actually bringing in new business had definitely not been my strong suit in the past.  So just believe me when I say that this blatant manifestation of the law of attraction was pretty phenomenal.

I have been living and being from this place ever since.  Very aware of my intentions and solely out to contribute to people whether they are friends, prospects, clients, colleagues or family.

This past Sunday at Sacred Center, when they passed the donation baskets around, I at first gave $3, then I decided that was too stingy and was compelled to give more and added another $5.  I also did a workshop which I knew I wanted to participate in and was another $10.  I only had one sample session set up for this week, my first since that last one.  Now THIS prospect, who is wonderful and my ideal client, hired me as well.

More and more I’m feeling confident and certain that my practice is going to thrive and I will be able to serve myself by serving others!  My dream is to support as many people as possible in transforming their lives to be the life of their dreams! (In the future that will also include books and inspirational speaking!) And I must say, living (and loving) from this place and creating this life is SO exciting and rewarding!

What do you see would be possible for YOU if you started living from a space of contributing rather than ‘getting your needs met’ or ‘what’s in it for you’?  (And lets be honest, ‘what’s in it for you’ tends to dominate most folks way of being whether they intend it to or not.)

I had my first experience with acupuncture today! Deganit (who also teaches my intuitive tools class and does intuitive readings) is training to be an acupuncturist and already works with clients to help heal them through this method. I have a cold and she happened to bring her needles with her and generously spent some extra time with me to ‘needle’ me after our class today!

Basically they’re individually wrapped extremely thin needles (with some sort of casing). She puts them on various specific points on your body that are known to move energy and affect healing. For me this included one on each foot, one on each lower part of my legs, two on each hand (different spots of course), one at the middle of the top of my forehead, one above each eyebrow and two above my lips.

She’d put it against my skin, sometimes tap the skin near it, and then tap the top of the thing to have the needle penetrate the skin into the right spot. It mostly didn’t hurt in the slightest. Only a few spots, on the side of my left hand near my thumb (which she said releases heat which is why that spot tends to hurt a little, on the top of my forehead (that hurt the most – though it wasn’t horrible or anything), and the ones above my lips pinched a tiny bit.

Then I just laid there with them in for about 25 minutes. I could feel my sinuses clear up a little and felt some energy move/release a few times in my forehead, feet and hands.

I also notice that my eyes have been less itchy since) which I’d mentioned was a habitual problem. Deggi said this may take more that one time to heal though. It would be AMAZING if I never had to deal with that again!

All in all it was a really good experience and I’m so curious to find out more about what accupuncture can do for you and the long or short term effects it’s capable of producing .

What experiences have you had with acupuncture?

I feel like many (most?) people don’t.  In fact, many people seem to actually hate themselves.  Which sounds really sad (and it is) but seems so frequently to be true.

I used to be one of those people. Who didn’t love myself and didn’t think I was lovable.  Now, until getting involved with transformational work, I didn’t actually realize I felt this way.  It was a core belief I had hidden away far below the surface, where I didn’t have to see it or do anything about it. I might have even denied it if I’d been asked and I certainly did my best to overcompensate for the belief by being confident and outgoing.

In fact, there are plenty (perhaps even the majority) of people who even when they do face the fact that they believe this (or something like it, ie: worthless, useless, etc), don’t want to do anything about it because they’re so terrified of change and the unknown that they’d rather have things stay the same, safe and comfortable albeit resigned and unsatisfying.

From that place, you’re always living a life of not being enough.  So naturally, nothing ever will be enough.  From there, you can only see what’s lacking and trying to fix what’s wrong.

When in reality, there’s nothing wrong with you at all and certainly nothing to fix.  You are complete and whole just as you are.  There may be some stuff (mainly beliefs) in the way of you living the life you want to live.  But it’s transforming those beliefs and your relationship to yourself, not ‘fixing’ them, that makes the difference.

This has been a long journey for me to come to this place where I DO love myself and am happy with who I am.  I may not have it all figured out yet, and there are of course still fears that come up within me, but inherently I believe that I am a loving contribution to the world and the world is lucky to have me.

A delightful result of this is that I’m actually being a very different person and attracting wonderful things into my life like new men, friends, clients, and venues that support my continual growth and contribute to me living a phenomenal life of my choosing.

A friend asked me how I possibly had so many men asking me out and said I needed to give lessons.  I told her she needs to learn to love herself first and the rest will follow.  I really believe that it’s only because I’ve finally accepted myself with compassion and love that I’m attracting so many great things into my life.  I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage that says, ‘you can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself’.  Well I believe that’s true, and additionally that it will be much more difficult for someone else to love you if you can’t love yourself.  How can someone else possibly give you what you deny giving yourself?

So answer for yourself honestly, how much do you really love you?  Could it be more?  What could you take on to increase your experience of self-love?  Because whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I bet everyone could use more love in their lives – and it truly does start with you.  Feel free to share below. <3