Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

So I’ve realized (with the help of some coaching) that I’ve got a serious layer of protection called “I don’t care/it doesn’t really matter/whatever”.  I use this to numb out to the consequences of not taking the actions I say I’m going to take or to not have to really be committed (with both feet in) to what I claim I’m committed to.

What this covers up is that I really deeply DO care (if I didn’t, I would have stopped talking about it ages ago).  AND I’m convinced that I’ll be devastated and get my heart broken because it inevitably won’t work out.  The ‘it’ could be anywhere from making a difference with people and getting people to stand for world peace to building my coaching practice to creating the relationships I want in all capacities such as romantic, friendships and with family.

The ironic thing is that the impact of this on me is that I end up feeling frustrated irritated, and really disappointed in both myself and others.  There’s also impacts on specific areas of my life like friendships, romantic life, my coaching practice, my family, etc.  And with me being that way I imagine it leaves others feeling left in the dark, disconnected, hurt and confused or even oblivious.

This isn’t how I want to live my life.  And I’m really well practiced at it.

So what I’m up to is thawing this ice that is covering the oasis below.  What I’m committed to is being a contribution everywhere.

Being a contribution doesn’t have to take a lot of effort and isn’t thwarted by not wanting to or feeling like it because it’s a way of being.  And it’s a choice to create or generate that way of being moment-by-moment.

What’s an act or shtick you can see you’re putting on in your own life?  What’s the thing you do to avoid getting hurt? What is that a facade for or what are you hiding from people (and maybe even yourself) that it covers up?  What’s the impact of that on yourself and others?  Actually let yourself really get present to and experience the impact.  Then decide if that’s what you’re committed to or if you want to create something else.

Every moment of every day you have to opportunity to create something different for yourself.  Is today going to be just one more iteration of how it always goes or will you have today be the day that you bring it to a full stop and create something else?  Invent a new perspective on life. Take a new action in line with it.  Tell people you’re giving up the crappy way you were being before and tell them what you’re creating instead.

Watch your life transform.

In this moment, right now, I am the possibility of love and abundance.

I generated and created this on Sunday in the Landmark Advanced course.

Following that, this week I’ve created 3 new clients, 5 requests for sample sessions, 1 promise to hire me mid-April, and a request for me to speak at a networking event.

Wow!  Talk about an amazing week!

I’ve also had 2 dates, spent time with amazing friends, took a salsa class and learned some tango.

If you’re looking for love and abundance, I am SO the coach for you!

What I really intended to share in this post is a new project I’m creating.  I’ll be participating in the Landmark Self Expression and Leadership seminar in May and was thinking about what project I could work on for it.  You create a community project where you generate the idea and lead it but actually give the project to the community to create.

One of the leaders of the seminar came in to tell us a bit about it and mentioned that she tells people to just think about what they’re passionate about – most folks create projects that have some bigger impact on the world or their community. One person arranged for two panda’s to be flown in from China (this costs millions of dollars), another created wind chimes they’re looking to sell a million of with all the proceeds going to Haiti.  So you get the idea.  Big impact stuff.

The idea I generated is to create a worldwide travel network/group for Landmark graduates.  It will be a website something akin to couchsurfers.com yet maybe more like a social networking site.  Thus far, my idea is to keep it within the Landmark community because it’s a trusted community that lives in integrity so it takes out the sketchy or potentially unsafe aspects that might stem from a network of just anyone.

The idea will be for people who participate to offer their homes (couches/extra bed) to travelers within the Landmark community from all over the world.  They could also offer to be a tour guide, provide ground transportation, offer frequent flier miles, etc.  Someone could post that they need to get a flight from point A to point B and people could contribute/donate to that flight.  (There are a million and a half Landmark graduates worldwide – if it’s a $1000 flight for example, 1000 people could each donate just $1 and the flight would be covered).  My vision for this is that it creates traveling as accessible to everyone where it’s currently inaccessible AND encourages community, generosity and contribution all over the world.

As some of you know, I’m going to be traveling come December.  I’ll still be coaching while I’m gallivanting country to country but am planning to travel through Central and South America, then to Africa, then to Southeast Asia. I’ve now created the possibility of actually getting this trip sponsored and I plan to blog about it as I go.  Part of what I see within this is to bring the travel program to Landmark campuses wherever I travel to and enrolling them in participating. I also want anyone who has ever wanted to travel to join me for whatever part of it they’d like – ideally using this program if they need it.

I’ve also had the idea to possibly get the website itself sponsored by an airline or travel site.  Perhaps that website sponsorship money could go into a pot for people to draw from to put towards traveling AND perhaps the airline or travel site who sponsors it can offer a discount to group members who use their services.  Basically this creates a win-win for the sponsor to get advertising to potentially a million and a half people for nearly free (since people would feed money back into them) AND people get money to travel!

If you’re interested in sponsoring any part of this (or have some connections to enroll anyone in doing so) or would like to get involved, let me know!

Please leave any thoughts, comments or ideas below!

I just had my Landmark Advanced Course this weekend.  It was AMAZING.

For anyone who thinks Landmark is a cult or brainwashing or whatever you’ve made up about it – you have NO idea what you’re missing.

I’ve been doing transformational work for nearly two years now and in this weekend I finally got myself.  I got freedom, love and abundance.  I realized that my biggest shtick in life has been that ‘you don’t care about me’.  If you broke off plans with me at the last minute, you didn’t care about me.  If I was always the one reaching out to you to make plans and it was never or rarely reciprocal, you didn’t care about me.  If you didn’t support me when I asked for it, you didn’t care about me.  If you didn’t give me referrals when I requested them, you didn’t care about me.  This could go on forever.  And it did, really.  In all of my relationships.  Whatever you did that didn’t seem loving in my opinion, that’s what I made it mean.

One of the huge things I got this weekend, and I do mean one because there is SO much more that I got as well, was that ‘You don’t care about me’ is absolutely 100% NOT TRUE.  I MADE IT UP.  And I then related to people like it was the truth.  AND, if you didn’t care about me, then I didn’t have to care about you either.  I can see that what I unconsciously thought I was getting out of this cycle was protection from getting my heart broken.  Yet that was completely made up as well because from that place I never got to really be connected or related to anyone in a deep and meaningful way.  Which completely cost me having amazing relationships.

I certainly have more to share and will do so in other posts but for now I will leave you with this.  How would your life transform if you actually got that the automatic way you were relating to people was completely inauthentic and made up?  We’re all human so we all do it.  What if you had the freedom to create ANYTHING you wanted?

My final evening of the advanced course is tonight from 7:30p-10:45p.  It’s at 317 W. 33rd between 8th & 9th Ave.  We’re allowed to bring guests so consider yourself invited to transform your life and your relationship to yourself and others.

Or if that’s not for you, I’m more than happy to have a conversation with you about creating possibility and abundance in your life.  I am beyond lit up about the magic of life and am so excited about sharing it.  Come and get it!

I’m feeling the need to share that I don’t like talking about my business in my posts.  There’s something about looking good and avoiding looking bad that consistently keeps me from writing about wins (or breakdowns) or lessons I learn in my business.

I’ve taken my willingness to be vulnerable with people to a whole different level just by starting this blog yet it’s clear to me that I’m not sharing things that would definitely be of value to folks in order to save face or avoid being judged.  It’s funny because I imagine it’s easy for people to judge lots of the things I talk about in my posts anyway yet for some reason when it comes to my business, I get far more confronted than by other topics.

I think we all do this.  We don’t share authentically with everyone what’s really going on in certain areas of our lives because we judge that they should be going or certain way or shouldn’t be going however they are.

Something fabulous that one of my clients said today was that in looking at how things were in the past (actually just a few months ago), she saw that they had to go the way they did and she had to go through what she did in order to get where she is now.  And because of that, she could see that the process was perfect.  Because today she feels empowered and liberated from some limiting beliefs that had a stronghold on her for most of her life.  But couldn’t have gotten here without going through the muck.  By the same logic, you can’t get where you want to go without going through whatever is in the way and breaking it down.  So naturally then, where you are too is perfect.  And there’s simply still work to be done to get the results you want.

So the thing I want to share about my business today is that I’ve had a breakthrough in it recently.  I shared in my post, Give It All Away, that I finally understood that I wasn’t getting what I wanted in life because I wasn’t giving it to the universe.  I said I wanted to be a contribution and to have a thriving coaching practice but I certainly wasn’t consistently having new clients sign up.  What I see is that I was actually being really stingy with both myself and others – more interested in what I could gain for myself than what I could give away to others and life.

What I didn’t share about my experience that day at Sacred Center was that this understanding that I needed to give to the universe what I was looking to have myself really moved to give more than my usual $2 or $3 donation when they passed the baskets around.  Instead, I filled out a credit card slip and donated $20.  This may or may not seem like a huge deal to you but for me it was an act of giving away the thing I’d been struggling to bring in to myself to something I love – without the story of ‘I can’t afford to do this’ or ‘I need to save money’ or ‘This is irresponsible’ attached to it.  I was contributing to something I saw as wonderful in the world instead of looking to be contributed to.  And it felt great.  Her message (I recommend reading the post if you haven’t already) had really shifted my perception of who I was being in the world.

The magic, the reason this is so significant to share, is that the very next day, I had a new client hire me.  While I know I’m a great coach and provide a lot of value for people, actually bringing in new business had definitely not been my strong suit in the past.  So just believe me when I say that this blatant manifestation of the law of attraction was pretty phenomenal.

I have been living and being from this place ever since.  Very aware of my intentions and solely out to contribute to people whether they are friends, prospects, clients, colleagues or family.

This past Sunday at Sacred Center, when they passed the donation baskets around, I at first gave $3, then I decided that was too stingy and was compelled to give more and added another $5.  I also did a workshop which I knew I wanted to participate in and was another $10.  I only had one sample session set up for this week, my first since that last one.  Now THIS prospect, who is wonderful and my ideal client, hired me as well.

More and more I’m feeling confident and certain that my practice is going to thrive and I will be able to serve myself by serving others!  My dream is to support as many people as possible in transforming their lives to be the life of their dreams! (In the future that will also include books and inspirational speaking!) And I must say, living (and loving) from this place and creating this life is SO exciting and rewarding!

What do you see would be possible for YOU if you started living from a space of contributing rather than ‘getting your needs met’ or ‘what’s in it for you’?  (And lets be honest, ‘what’s in it for you’ tends to dominate most folks way of being whether they intend it to or not.)

I made a commitment with my coach to sign up for a 5 day trial at a gym near me and to go at least 3 of those days. I’m mostly sharing this for accountability. I did go today. The place was gorgeous and certainly luxe compared to the junky NYSC I keep getting stuck with. It’s The Sports Club LA on 61st between 1st and 2nd. Wow. It’s like the Mercedes Benz of gyms at $175 a month. That’s right, $175 per month. That is a LOT of money to spend on a gym membership. They said they usually charge an $800 (!) initiation fee but have lowered it to $80 until the end of January. Evidently I walked into crazy town.

They say they’re comparable in cost to Equinox. I haven’t been to Equinox so I can’t attest to their price tag but I was under the impression they were cheaper than that. Can anyone speak to this?

Not to say I wouldn’t go here if I could (and if it were closer to me) because it’s beautiful, has a rock climbing wall and holds a zillion classes. But alas I can’t, so instead I’m taking the stand of being incredulous at their audacity to charge so much. Jerks.

On a different note, I have been dragging quite a bit this week. I feel like a sulky teenager choosing to be insolent in the face of things I ‘should’ be doing. Which would actually be pretty normal if I were still the same person I was a year ago but I’ve made so much progress in this area in the past 6 months or so. It feels like reverting. I’ve just been struggling to get back into the swing of things and secretly (well, ok, vocally) wishing I were still in the Caribbean instead. I’m having withdrawal. I suppose I really should be a bit easier on myself. (I’ve always been really hard on myself. I picture it like being the rigid scornful nun that comes to mind when people share stories of hellish catholic school experiences. Except I’m the nun. To myself. Super fun.) I’m just having trouble adjusting back to the pace. (Which is hysterical because I spent close to the first week of vacation bored from having nothing to do – our minds are hilarious that way..)

I think my possibility of being unreasonable that i created in place of ‘not wanting to’ or ‘not feeling like it’ is proving to be grossly inadequate. (Even though the concept does wonders for me – it’s just not cutting it for this particular complaint). So I’m going to try on the possibility of being engaged instead. We’ll see how that one goes..

I did do my first solo coaching workshop last night! The feedback was all really positive so I’m happy. I’ll leave you with a testimonial from one of the women who attended (yay!):

“It was very informative and helpful in creating a feasible plan for all my goals — Jaclyn is great at what she does — after I went home from the workshop I felt more capable, empowered, but mostly excited.”

We talked about rackets more tonight. Rackets are essentially a complaint you have which come ball & chain with an automatic way of being around it, payoffs for what you get out of maintaining this racket (essentially ways to avoid responsibility) and what it’s costing you to keep this up (your aliveness).

So here’s one of mine that I distinguished tonight.

My racket is “I don’t feel like it” aka “I don’t want to”. (Sound familiar? Wouldn’t surprise me.)

The impact of this is that I don’t do the things I say I will or want to do (or even better, I’m sneaky and don’t declare them at all so that I don’t have to be held accountable to them) and then don’t get the results I want. So, yea, that pretty much sucks.

Who I get to be about this complaint is irritable, bored, annoyed and/or frustrated (to name a few off the top of my head).

I guess the payoff for this is predominantly that I get to avoid domination (of being busy, of change, of having too much responsibility, it seems of doing anything really, huh?).

This is costing me my vitality, self-expression, accomplishment, and joy!! If I had to pick just one thing I’d say it’s costing me satisfaction.

So.. yea, duh, huge cost! I mean, I don’t know about you but all those things are pretty important to me. As juicy as the payoff is of avoiding domination, and oh it is most definitely juicy, it’s certainly not as great as my personal satisfaction with life!

SO, I’m creating the possibility of being UNREASONABLE!

(Before you think I’m crazy, see my post ‘Time for the gym?” http://wp.me/pLnuP-f for what I mean by unreasonable.

Great line from tonight: “A life of possibility and a reasonable life simply do not fit in the same space.”

It’s REALLY time for me to stop living a reasonable life and actually get my butt in gear.