What’s not happening
What’s not happening can never be what’s actually happening.
I’ve noticed recently how much energy I spend on what’s not happening.
For example, I had some friends meeting me at Sacred Center a couple weeks ago and they were 45 minutes late. That’s halfway through the service. And for the first half of the service, I was watching the door for them and thinking about where they were, annoyed that they weren’t there. It was then that I first realized that I spend so much time focused on what’s isn’t happening (here it’s that they weren’t there yet) that I don’t get to enjoy whatever is going on. The kicker is, the idea that ‘they weren’t there’, wasn’t actually happening. In that moment, all that was happening was that I was there, listening to people sign and talk at Sacred Center. I was completely lacking any presence whatsoever with where I currently was and wasn’t enjoying this thing that I was there for.
I’ve since started really practicing noticing when I’m stressing out about something that’s not happening. One of the most obvious places this shows up for me is when someone is late to meet me. I notice all my focus goes towards them being late and where they are instead of just focusing on where I am and being in the moment. It’s true they might be late, but where they are really doesn’t have to affect me and take over my consciousness. I can instead choose to be with what is.
I know I’ve focused on lateness here but consider this same idea is applicable in any area of life where you’re focusing on what’s not so instead of what is.
This could be when you’re sitting at home thinking about work and dreading a certain project or boss or going in general (you’re not currently at work though!). Or when you’re on vacation thinking about all you’re going to have to deal with when you get home and making lists of what to do (not much of a vacation). Or when you’re on a date and thinking about if this is going to go anywhere and measuring your date up against some imaginary guidelines (you’re with someone now! Be with them). I’m sure you can think of many more examples.
Start noticing where your energy is. Is it in any other moment than the current one? What would be different or available to you if you got present to where you are right now, all the time? What if you stopped stressing out about the things that you’re assuming (or making up) are happening and just started living in the present moment?
Every time I read one of your posts I think, “Wow, Jaclyn’s an old soul. How’d she figure all this out without 80 years of life under her belt?”
Then I think, “The difference isn’t because she’s Gandhi, reincarnate. It isn’t because she doesn’t go through the ups and downs of life like the rest of us. The difference is that she consciously develops her ability to be an observer of, rather than a participant in, the emotional vortex that is life.”
That ability is the same as in “Like water off a duck’s back,” a totally traditional adage. It is the same as is found in a gazillion new age-y feeling doctrines. So no matter whether you’re conservative, liberal, or somewhere in between, this is good stuff.
Jaclyn, you’ve always got something meaningful to say, even when I don’t agree with every word of it, so I’d like to thank you for always inspiring me to rise above the fray.
P.S.: Something good always happens after I read your posts. It’s not luck or superstition; it’s because your posts always make me think about being a better person. And when I act better (more responsibly, more nicely, more creatively, more insert-your-adverb-of-choice), I get better results. Like that other old adage says, “Honey gets more flies than vinegar.”
Interesting point. Of course, if this were always possible, we would no longer have to deal with grief, rage, etc. All of our baser emotions stem from the past.
I am sure that consciously focusing on the small worries, as you mentioned, would strengthen the ability to handle past, unwelcome memories. Staying in present time is always a challenge if the past isn’t resolved.
Don’t we have to concentrate on what is not happening so we can both plan positive circumstances and prepare for negative circumstances that will happen in our life?
That has been my default mode for way too long, and is such a waste of time and energy. We need to focus both on the present, for the past no longer exsists, and the future won’t change by worry alone. Another excellent prespective on the way our thought processors deal with life’s situations, and a cause to pause and reflect. Thanks.
It is so true, whereever your energy goes there your attention flows. We as part of human nature tend to focus on the negative things including what is not happening, because it is much easier than using our imagination and find the the positive things in any situation. It is our ego who takes control, because if you let yourself being guided by your senses, soul and heart, then you understand that whatever happens it happens for a purpose and every moment needs to be appreciated. You have no other choice if you are on the path of spiritual enlightment. Thanks,Balazs
Larry – Planning for negative circumstances like what? Often times we imagine future negative circumstances that don’t already exist and bring them into our experience by putting so much focus on them.
I’m certainly not saying don’t plan for your future (I’d be out of a job
. Say you intentionally take an hour to do ‘planning’, then in that moment that IS what’s happening, it’s what you’re doing. Whereas if you’re thinking about planning (say while you’re at work doing other work) then your focus is on what’s ‘not happening’ (because what’s actually happening is that you’re at work doing whatever task your doing).