Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

Piggybacking on last weeks post, I want to talk more about being with ‘what is’.

The phenomenal power of being in the moment and accepting things as they are.

Now I’m not saying I’m an expert at this.  I’m practicing and learning.  But man is it useful and empowering.

When you start to be with what is, you stop resisting how things aren’t.  And after all, what you resist, persists.

For example, you’re on the phone and a major client decides to stop working with you, in that moment that’s what is.  In the next moment, you are just sitting there working, and that’s what is.  Instead of reacting, throwing all your energy into the upset and losing the rest of your day or week, you can be proactive and productive to create new clients or plan for whatever is next. (This takes PRACTICE.  It may take you more than 10 minutes, 3 hours or a day to get back to the present moment at first.  But keep practicing and you’ll get back to it faster and faster.)

Or say you’re on a date and you really like the person, in that moment, you’re getting to know someone and having a good time.  If you’re measuring them up against some imaginary list you’ve concocted representing the ‘perfect partner’ or losing yourself in your thoughts about whether or not you’re going to marry this person, well then you’re NOT being in the moment with what is.  Every time you notice your mind wandering from the exact current situation you’re in, bring yourself back by reminding yourself that you’re here right now.

Or maybe you had a really awful day at work.  Everything went wrong and you felt like you just couldn’t catch a break.  But now you’re at home.  Well, ‘what is’ is that you’re at home, doing whatever you’re now doing (eating dinner, watching tv, reading a book, spending time with your kids, etc).  If you sit there and stress or complain about your day, you’re now living in the past (yes, even earlier today, in fact even 1 minute ago, is now the past).  Your energy is still at work in your crappy day.  On top of that, you’re now poisoning whatever is going on in this new experience with something that has nothing to do with the present moment.  Work will be there tomorrow and it will be a new day, where you can create a new experience.  Being present in the current moment will help you do that.

Or perhaps you just had an argument with your partner or spouse (or even a friend). But now it’s over.  Yet often you’ll spend hours (for some, days) in anger and resentment before deciding to let it go or make up even though you’re not actually arguing anymore.  It’s funny because often when we have these kinds of arguments, while we’re still arguing, we’ll see the other person’s point of view, and actually get that we’re not completely right (even if they’re not completely right either).  Yet we’re SO committed to being right, that we hold on to our anger, frustration and upset and pretend they’re 100% wrong anyway (another example of resisting being with ‘what is’ since you can in fact see their perspective).  What we could do is to actually share when we see the other person’s point of view (notice that that alone will ease the tension, not just for them but for you too).  This doesn’t have to invalidate your experience or deem your feelings to be inaccurate.  But when you can be understanding of where another person is coming from, you can have compassion for them.  From there, they’ll likely be more receptive to understanding you as well.

Practice actually telling yourself what’s going on in your current reality: “Right now, in this moment, I am ‘_________’.”  For example, ‘Right now, in this moment, I am at home writing a blog entry.’  Or, ‘Right now, in this moment, I am on a date.’  Or, ‘Right now, in this moment, I am playing with my kids.’ Or, ‘Right now, in this moment, I am working on my business plan.’

The more you can be present to what is actually currently happening, the more power and peace you can have.