What I’m pointing to actually doesn’t have as much to do with how you ‘act’ as it does how you think and feel. Though I of course see what you’re talking about with some physical manifestations of it.

What I’m pointing to is the negative or disempowering beliefs you have about yourself in your head (you may or may not actively notice them since you’re probably so used to them). So you can actually intentionally get present to them.

Essentially that ‘self-hate’ is really just a lot of fears you have about who you are and who you’re not in the world and what others think about you. And those fears are actually incredibly impactful. Like I believed I was worthless and unlovable and that ruled my life and my experience of myself and others for most of my life. Some other examples could be: I’m useless, I’m insufficient, I’m obnoxious, I’m judgemental, I’m a bitch, I’m stupid, I’m a burden, I’m not wanted, I don’t matter, I’m incapable, I’m flawed, I’m needy, I’m guilty, I’m not enough, I’m unacceptable. The list could go on and on but that should give you an idea of what I’m talking about.

It takes transforming these fears with love to make a difference in your life.

For me that’s come through a variety of things, coaching, Landmark, spirituality (big time for me). But it’s a lot about realizing that those beliefs aren’t true – they’re just stories you made up about who you are in the world. The key there is that YOU made them up. So you don’t have to chose to believe them.

One practice could be to jot down every time you notice one of those thoughts come up. And just notice that it was a thought you had rather than getting attached to believing it.

Some obvious ones that come to mind are “smoking” or “alcohol abuse” but are there any others that are below the surface that we can look out for?

TY

Megan