Do you love yourself?
I feel like many (most?) people don’t. In fact, many people seem to actually hate themselves. Which sounds really sad (and it is) but seems so frequently to be true.
I used to be one of those people. Who didn’t love myself and didn’t think I was lovable. Now, until getting involved with transformational work, I didn’t actually realize I felt this way. It was a core belief I had hidden away far below the surface, where I didn’t have to see it or do anything about it. I might have even denied it if I’d been asked and I certainly did my best to overcompensate for the belief by being confident and outgoing.
In fact, there are plenty (perhaps even the majority) of people who even when they do face the fact that they believe this (or something like it, ie: worthless, useless, etc), don’t want to do anything about it because they’re so terrified of change and the unknown that they’d rather have things stay the same, safe and comfortable albeit resigned and unsatisfying.
From that place, you’re always living a life of not being enough. So naturally, nothing ever will be enough. From there, you can only see what’s lacking and trying to fix what’s wrong.
When in reality, there’s nothing wrong with you at all and certainly nothing to fix. You are complete and whole just as you are. There may be some stuff (mainly beliefs) in the way of you living the life you want to live. But it’s transforming those beliefs and your relationship to yourself, not ‘fixing’ them, that makes the difference.
This has been a long journey for me to come to this place where I DO love myself and am happy with who I am. I may not have it all figured out yet, and there are of course still fears that come up within me, but inherently I believe that I am a loving contribution to the world and the world is lucky to have me.
A delightful result of this is that I’m actually being a very different person and attracting wonderful things into my life like new men, friends, clients, and venues that support my continual growth and contribute to me living a phenomenal life of my choosing.
A friend asked me how I possibly had so many men asking me out and said I needed to give lessons. I told her she needs to learn to love herself first and the rest will follow. I really believe that it’s only because I’ve finally accepted myself with compassion and love that I’m attracting so many great things into my life. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage that says, ‘you can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself’. Well I believe that’s true, and additionally that it will be much more difficult for someone else to love you if you can’t love yourself. How can someone else possibly give you what you deny giving yourself?
So answer for yourself honestly, how much do you really love you? Could it be more? What could you take on to increase your experience of self-love? Because whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I bet everyone could use more love in their lives – and it truly does start with you. Feel free to share below. <3
Tags: Awareness, hating yourself, Love, Self-love, Spirituality
Hi Jaclyn…can you describe “how” some people act in ways that would count as “self-hatred?”
Some obvious ones that come to mind are “smoking” or “alcohol abuse” but are there any others that are below the surface that we can look out for?
TY
Megan
Hi Megan – thanks for asking.
What I’m pointing to actually doesn’t have as much to do with how you ‘act’ as it does how you think and feel. Though I of course see what you’re talking about with some physical manifestations of it.
What I’m pointing to is the negative or disempowering beliefs you have about yourself in your head (you may or may not actively notice them since you’re probably so used to them). So you can actually intentionally get present to them.
Essentially that ‘self-hate’ is really just a lot of fears you have about who you are and who you’re not in the world and what others think about you. And those fears are actually incredibly impactful. Like I believed I was worthless and unlovable and that ruled my life and my experience of myself and others for most of my life. Some other examples could be: I’m useless, I’m insufficient, I’m obnoxious, I’m judgemental, I’m a bitch, I’m stupid, I’m a burden, I’m not wanted, I don’t matter, I’m incapable, I’m flawed, I’m needy, I’m guilty, I’m not enough, I’m unacceptable. The list could go on and on but that should give you an idea of what I’m talking about.
It takes transforming these fears with love to make a difference in your life.
For me that’s come through a variety of things, coaching, Landmark, spirituality (big time for me). But it’s a lot about realizing that those beliefs aren’t true – they’re just stories you made up about who you are in the world. The key there is that YOU made them up. So you don’t have to chose to believe them.
One practice could be to jot down every time you notice one of those thoughts come up. And just notice that it was a thought you had rather than getting attached to believing it.