Jaclyn Beckerman Coaching

Well, ‘we’ (meaning myself & all the coaches I affiliate myself with) say it is. And in MANY ways I’ve actually seen the difference my own personal development has made in my relationships to my family members as well as clients and colleagues transformative processes make in theirs.

But I am certainly far from having figured it out yet.

I adore my family – I know they love me unconditionally and always will just as I do them. My parents have given me everything I could have ever asked for – a great home, nice things, lots of vacations, the green light on taking up any new extracurricular activity that caught my fancy, celebrations for any new accomplishment (from report cards, to birthdays to graduations) – and those are just some generalities among many things they’ve provided throughout the years… and of course we always knew (and were told) that we were loved. Yet we constantly push each others buttons and set each other off like detonating little hand grenades. We just can’t seem to help ourselves.

My mom whines or demands something and I revert to an 8 year old child incredulous and angry at how ‘annoying’ or ‘manipulative’ she’s being. My big red button has been pushed. Hard. And that’s just one example. It pretty much happens across the board with family with the various things that set me off. And them too – perhaps a few different buttons though. It’s like there’s no off switch for our automatic responses (and again, those reactions may vary from person to person). And lets be honest, they’re frequently not nice and certainly not ‘transformed’ reactions.

Yet I’ve been able to make vast leaps and bounds in how I react to other people – friends, colleagues, even strangers – when my buttons are pushed.

What do you think it is about families that they’re all somehow dysfunctional even in the best of cases?

Based on some recent books I’ve read – Many Lives, Many Masters (Brian L Weiss) being the most recent – I’d guess it’s because we’re meant to learn lessons from one another (that we wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity to), to overcome our impatience and indifference towards one another. To realize that we’re not the disconnected secluded islands we pretend to be but actually one big land mass. To have compassion, love and forgiveness for others, recognizing ourselves in them – that we essentially ARE them.

Simple right?

Ha. Obviously easier said than done.

Thus far, and after a recent conversation with my sister, I have come to the conclusion that my journey here on earth (this time around – yes, we both believe in reincarnation) I’m meant to learn patience & trust. I think perhaps, kindness too – not that I’m not loving, but if I’m honest I don’t think I’m always kind. So I’m practicing.

SO – to anyone who I’ve ever been unkind to in any way – I apologize
from the depths of my heart. I would never wish to inflict any sort of hurt or harm on another. Yet I’m sure I’ve unintentionally done just that. I’m just another imperfect person, learning as I go along. If you notice me being unkind, please feel free to reflect it to me. I’m working on it..